A Twisted Version of FF9
by SyliaS
Summary: I was hoping a FF9 rewrite hadn't been done before, but......Anyways, wondering why this is in the crossover section? Okay maybe not, but it's because its rewritten with FF7 characters......and a summon, but don't ask about that one.


Untitled 

*peers out from behind a statue* Hi! First ficcie, so please be nice...Please? Pretty please? *puppy-dog eyes* ...Anyways, disclaimer: I don't own it! None of it!!! Well......maybe the laptop.....and the candy tree.........but that's it! Oh, and there's a lotta refferences in this ficcie, too.....Mmm, that's all I have to say for now, so... Oh, and don't ask why I'm having a summon as one of the main chars. *sweatdrop* 

It looks like a normal day on the webpage- Sephiroth trying to stab everyone, Vincent hanging around in a corner looking mysterious, Shiva trying to stop Sephiroth, Cid and Barret chatting by a link, etc etc. 

"Seph-y!!! Stop!!!" Shiva called after him. 

Sephiroth suddenly stopped and looked up. "?" 

"What?" 

Sephiroth looked around in confusion. "...Why is the story in this format?" 

Shiva grinned at him. "Ya mean this? I thought novel-ish format would be cool!" 

"Hmph...You suck at it- it would be best to switch back to script format." Sephiroth replied cooly. 

"Meh...fine..." 

Shiva: Better? 

Sephiroth: Much. *goes after Reno to attempt to run him through. 

Shiva: Hey!! Sephy!!!! *runs after him* 

Vincent: *shakes head* When will they ever learn...? 

Reno: *carrying something* Hey guys---AGH! *drops the package and runs* 

Sephiroth: Come back here!!! You're only going to become one with the planet!! 

Shiva: Ggh... *glomps Sephy and he drops the Masamune* 

Sephiroth: Erk! *falls over* ......off... 

*the package lands right in front of Yuffie, who flew out of the Materia link room*Yuffie: @.@;;...*recovers*Hey! What's this? *picks up the package and shakes it* 

Reno: Don't shake that!!! *takes it from Yuffie* 

Yuffie: *comes over and pokes at it* Why, what's in it? 

Xellos: *appears* Sore wa himitsu desu! ^_^ 

Reno: Oh, you had to make an appearance, didn't you? -_-;; Anyways, its Final Fantasy IX 

Rufus: *peeks in from the Characters page* FF9? *evil smirk* Do tell... 

Yuffie: FF9!? Let's play it!!! 

Shiva: !? I thought you peoples hated the other Final Fantasies... 

Reno: Yeah, but not to play 'em.... A.k.a. the magic of renaming. 

Shiva: I should've known that was why you renamed Rinoa 'Slut'. 

*Tseng and Cloud walk in, chatting* 

Reno: OO;; BOSS!? I thought you were still dead!!! 

Tseng: I was, but only brought back for the sake of this fanfic...*sigh* 

All: Fanfic? *look at Shiva* 

Shiva: ...*quickly hides the laptop she was typing on behind her back* Okayyou'vegotFF9soletsplayityeah! *grabs the game, and puts it in a certain weird-looking Playstation while the FF7 disk is still on there...* 

All: oO;; Shiva... 

Shiva: *turns it on, also hitting the reverse switch incidentally* 

All: SHIVA!? 

Xellos: ? What is that? 

Reno: ...its the Playstation she used to bring us out of the game...ohhh, we are in such crap... 

Xellos: I see...This should be interesting ^_^ 

Shiva: *grabs the controller, sits down on a couch that just happened to be there, then notices the PSX she put it in* ...oops. *The webpage flashes, and everyone in the room is sucked into the PSX* 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

*The screen fades in to show a boat being tossed by vicious waves. A close up on the boat shows that a Chibified Shiva and someone else is aboard it. Xellos appears next to Chibi Shiva, who is gripping a pole on the boat* 

Xellos: My, my... ^_^ 

Chibi Shiva: Make ONE remark about the Chibi thing, and I swear I will find some way to kill you! 

Xellos: ^_^;; My you're irritable right now... 

CS: Who wouldn't be when-- *wave splashes over the boat, drenching CS*... you're in this storm!? 

Xellos: Ah...And who is that? *points to someone else on the boat* 

CS: I dunno-- 

*Shiva wakes up to find herself normal-sized, in a chair, and wearing a gown* 

Shiva: *-_- What's going on, anyways? 

Xellos: *appears* Sore wa himitsu desu! 

Shiva: You know then!? *attempts to strangle Xellos* TELL MEEEE!!! 

Xellos: ^_^;; Yare yare...Doesn't any of this look familiar to you? 

Shiva: *looks around and sweatdrops* ...yesh...*even larger sweatdrop* Uh oh...did we get sucked into the game and all of us now have to replace the characters? 

Xellos: Sore wa-*deathglare from Shiva* ^_^;; Maybe... 

Shiva: Greeat...its getting stuffy in here...*opens the window, birds fly by* Oh cool, that's the airship... *scene pans on the airship, and the airships mermaid design...which a seagull poops on . Baku is heard cursing in the background... The scene shifts inside the airship, to a scene where a ladder stands. Sephiroth appears in midair, and falls face-first onto the deck of the ship* 

Sephiroth: ...... Hmph...*notices something....new....* !? WHEN DID I GET A TAIL!?!?!? 

Xellos: *appears* Sore wa himitsu desu! 

Sephiroth: Oh, you again... What do you want now? Did you do this!? 

Xellos: Yare, yare...You are all so tense. I did not do this, and I merely want to help...basically. 

Sephiroth: Somehow I don't believe that. 

Xellos: It is your choice whether you believe me or not...Your next destination is that door behind you, by the way ^_^ 

Sephiroth: What door- *he turns around and smacks into it* Ow. *steps away from it* I still say you're up to some..thing...*Xellos is long gone* Right...*he enters through the door, finds a match, and lights it...then his bangs catch fire* AHHH!!!! PUT IT OUT!!! *he runs around for a while, lighting the candle during which. Blank runs out of the closet and dumps water on his head* ...Arigatou... 

Blank: No prob. We're just waiting for the boss. 

Sephiroth: The boss...? 

Blank: Don't act like you don't know! *the door slams open, and a guy wearing a dragons mask comes out and roars* 

Sephiroth:...And this is supposed to be the first battle of the game? *he walks up to the dragon-masked man and cuts through the mask, stopping right at the Boss's head* 

Baku, aka the Boss: *sweatdrops* Not bad...Yer lookin' a lot better! Gwahahaha! *he walks into the next room* 

Sephiroth: I am? *sweatdrop* Do I know him...? *he follows into the next room, as do Blank, Cinna, and Marcus* 

Baku: Awright, our mission is to--- 

Sephiroth: *excitedly* Kill someone? 

Baku: ...no. As I was saying...to -capture- Princess Shiva Til Alexandros, the most babalicious beauty in Alexandria! 

Sephiroth: Shiva? Oh really...? Then you haven't seen Tifa or Meifon. *shows them all pictures of Tifa and Meifon. They all drool at it until Ruby comes in* 

Ruby: The hell, y'all? *snatches the pictures away* Now I'll have some extra moppin' to do! *storms out* 

Baku: What babes...Err, anyways! It wouldn't help even if she wasn't the most babalicious beauty in all of Alexandria- we've still gotta kidnap 'er! To do that, we're puttin' on the play, 'I want to be your Canary'! 

Marcus: And I get the lead roll! *beams* 

Sephiroth: Oh joy to the world. *rolls eyes* 

Marcus: ...*sniffles* At least I got a better part than you did! 

Sephiroth: Me, play a part in this foolery? Ha ha ha...*he does that thing like where he laughed in the Nibelheim flashback about his father* You must surely be joking... 

Cinna: Nope, he's not kidding! Not only do you get to play a part, but you and Blank get to kidnap, and maybe torture, the Princess too! *glare* Lucky! 

Sephiroth: Oh? Hmph...fine...Jenova will spare you all...for now...I may finally get revenge for the torture I have endured.... 

Tantalus: *sweatdrop* 

*Scene pans out over Alexandria. A small and super kawaii black mage stumbles along, then looks up to see the airship. The airship moves toward Alexandria castle, and bumps into it. Curses are heard in the background, and the words 'Final Fantasy IX' appear on the screen, and then it goes back to the black mage. He stumbles and falls, dropping his ticket* 

Black mage: Oww....U-um, Mr. Narrator? My name is Vivi... 

*A little girl comes over as Vivi helps himself up* 

Little Girl: You awright? Here, you dwopped your ticket! *she hands it to him* Bye bye! *she runs off* 

Xellos: *appears right behind Vivi* This is getting a little too much like the original game... ^_^ 

Vivi: *jumps and falls face-first* 

Xellos: ^_^;; 

Vivi: Wh-Who are you? 

Xellos: I am Xellos, the Mysterious Priest! ^_^ 

Vivi: *sweatdrops* O-okay...I'll just be going to see the ticketmaster now...*he backs away slowly, then starts running zig-zagishly for some reason* 

Xellos: *sweatdrop* Well that didn't go well. 

*Puck then mows Xellos down, and runs into Vivi* 

Xellos: *now 2D on the ground* Itai... 

Puck: *after running into Vivi* Hey! Watch where you're going! 

Vivi: B-but....I was running zig-zagishly and you followed me... 

Puck: ...That doesn't matter! Now move it! *he runs off* 

Vivi: Some people...A-at least h-he got rid of that weird guy...*Vivi continues on his way to the Ticketmaster* 

Ticketmaster: *takes a look at Vivi's ticket* OO;; And where did you get this, young man...err young black mage? *Ticket reads, 'Strip Show 99'* 

Vivi: H-huh? *he takes the ticket back and looks at it* I-I didn't order this ticket! I want a refund! 

Ticketmaster: Whew...that's good to know....Oh and here! I was looking for a way to get rid of these junky cards, so...*he shoves them into Vivi's hands* Here you go! 

Vivi: B-but... 

Ticketmaster: Now run along-no refunds on the cards, either!! And don't forget to look for Allyway Jack!! *he hurries Vivi away* 

Vivi: ......*shrugs, and walks into an alley, where Xellos is waiting, and waving the original ticket* 

Xellos: Hello there! ^_^ 

Vivi: Y-you! You stole my ticket! 

Xellos: Ah, but it would have been useless anyways. *He shows Vivi the ticket, which reads 'I Want To Be Your Crow'* 

Vivi: Oh....Okay then. B-by the way, do you know of any Allyway Jacks? 

Xellos: Sore wa himitsu desu! ^_^ *disappears* 

Vivi: *sweatdrop* W-weirdo...*he continues for about half a step, and trips. The signmaker that was standing there misses the sign he was trying to nail in* 

Dante: You made me miss by only falling down and therefore distracting me you insolently fiendish little black mage! By doing this you have interrupted my work! I have worked on this sign until you distracted me! Distracting me while signmaking is not a very good thing to do! For I am...Dante the Signmaker! Mwahahahaha! *he climbs down the ladder and leaves* 

Vivi: ...I never knew Alexandria was the spawning space for insanity... *he walks about half a step before running into Puck again* 

Puck: Oww! Hey, its you! The one with the ticket for the strip club! 

Vivi: Err...I can explain! 

Puck: I'll let you see the show you want to see if you gimme that ticket! I've been looking all over for one! So whaddaya say? 

Vivi: S-sure! *he hands Puck the ticket* 

Puck: Okay first I need to steal the ladder! 

Vivi: I-isn't stealing wrong? 

Puck: You wanna see the show or not? Now stand guard and tell me if anyones coming! 

Vivi: O-okay...grouch...*he looks over it* Nope- no ones coming except Allyway Jack who wants to steal my money! 

Puck: *blink* ...Close enough! *he grabs the ladder and runs* 

*Vivi waits a moment while Allyway Jack turns the corner* 

Vivi: H-hi! *Jack steals Vivi's gil* WHY YOU--!!!! C'MERE!!! 

*Meanwhile, Puck runs into the steeple, hearing many 'OW! NOOO!!!! MERCY!!!' cries on the way. Vivi comes into the steeple a moment later, whistling and pocketing some gil, along with some cards* 

Vivi: Sorry, I had to be out of character for a moment! 

Puck: ...I don't even wanna know...Anyways, you'd better get up that ladder and check if the coast is clear! It can be very dangerous going up a really short ladder which you have no chance of falling from, you know! 

Vivi: ...Right...*he is about to climb up the ladder when a Kupo Nut beans him on the head. Someone calls out from above, 'Gotcha, loser!!!'* 

Vivi: ...I need another OOC moment...FIRAGA!!! *he aims it upward, and a roasted moogle drops down* 

Kupo: Kuupo...*drinks a potion and recovers* I sorry....not... 

Vivi: *prepares to cast another Firaga* 

Kupo: KUPOOOO!!! Sorry sorry sorry sorry!!!! I enter you in Moogle Diary, which is where you save game, to apologize!!!! 

Vivi: T-That's better. *he dispels the spell, then Puck pushes in front of Vivi and climbs up the ladder* -_-;; *he climbs up soon after that* 

Puck: Alright, let's hurry up or its gonna start without us! *he runs across a board, but Vivi doesn't* Whatsa matter? 

Vivi: I-I'm scared of heights and only one thing helps that...*he draws hopscotch squares and picks up a stone. He then hops across it* Tada! 

Puck: ...Show off... *he runs across the next board, and Vivi does the same thing except...CRACK* 

Vivi: AHHH!!! *he starts falling, only to be stopped in midair* ? *Xellos is shown holding Vivi up* 

Xellos: As much as I would've enjoyed that, it may have ruined the story. *he lifts Vivi back up* 

Vivi: T-Thanks I guess 

Xellos: *looking a little pale* Don't mention it...seriously... 

Vivi: Okay, sure. *they continue hopping across the boards until they reach behind the Nobles seats, look at the show, and start clapping like idiots. Rufus is shown in where the queens seat is supposed to be* 

Rufus: For the last time Shiva! I will NOT fan myself and dance around when the time comes!!! 

Shiva: C'mon- it's part of the game, sooo.... 

Cid: *standing by Shiva in knight's armor, but with the same spear* She's right- Do it, you #$%@in' @#$%&$!! 

Rufus: NO!!!! 

Cid: I'll tell you who took your @#$%in' PS2 if you do it! 

Rufus: Nani!? My PS2!? *nods* You've got a deal! La la la, la la la la la....*he fans himself* 

Shiva: *cracks up* 

Cid: *also cracks up and is taking blackmail photos...he stops laughing after about 10 minutes, during which the Nobles are still clapping like idiots. He then points his spear to the play, and it starts. Rufus then started singing and dancing the Macarena* 

Rufus: *singing* Now don't you worry about my boyfriend, a boy whose name is Nicorino... 

Shiva and Cid: *stare* 

Rufus: What? You never specified what kind of dance. *they continue staring* It's just how the song goes- I am not into yaoi!!!*he continues doing the Macarena while Cid and Shiva crack up again. The scene shifts to the one on the stage, where Baku comes out dressed in a toothfairy costume* 

Baku: Bereft of mother! Bereft of Father! *The Masamune comes out from the side of the stage and whacks him* Ow! What's that for? 

Sephiroth, offscreen: One, look at your costume. Two, those are Blank's lines. 

Baku: *looks at his costume and sweatdrops* Whoops...*he runs offscreen and comes back in the right outfit* As I was saying...Uhh....I forgot my lines. 

Sephiroth, offscreen: Insolent fool! *tosses a script at Baku* 

Baku: *catches it* Yeah, thanks...Ahem! Greetings Nobles, Queen Rufus, *a thud is heard from the royal seats* Princess Shiva, Lady Elena and Lord Cid...And of course, the little black mage with the rat kid behind the Nobles seats, and our rooftop viewers... we present... THE STRIP SHOW OF 2001!!! *everyone facefaults. Sephiroth storms onscreen, whispers something to Baku, and storms offscreen again* Oh, err...I Want To Be Your Canary!!! 

Someone in the audience: Dude, that's just sick. 

Baku: That's the title, idiot! *he walks offscreen and the curtains lift, while offscreenish...* 

Blank: *now wearing the toothfairy costume* Oh, do you think this makes me look fat? 

Sephiroth: ...*whacks Blank* ...idiot. 

Blank: Oww! *sniffle* Fine! Be that way! *he takes the costume off, and yes, all you hentais, there are his normal clothes underneath!* Anyway....Bereft of Father! Bereft of Mother! Marcus! Thou has not lost thy leading role yet to thy! 

Cinna: A Gypsy haseth toldeth a bad fortuneth of thee! For thy must fork up thine role to Blanketh! 

Sephiroth: *stares at them like they're idiots*...Let's just go kick some king ass. 

Cinna and Blank: *look at each other and shrug* Close enough. *they run onscreen* 

*Marcus is facing King Leo aka Baku and his two soldiers when Cinna, Blank, and Sephiroth run up beside him* 

Marcus: Nooooo! I want the experience for beating them! 

Sephiroth: Baka, they don't even GIVE experience! This is a fake fight! 

Marcus: It is? Oh. Carry on then. 

Leo: You DARE try to defeat me? I'll show you what I can do! 

Sephiroth: *walks up to Leo and slices with the Masamune for a bit* 

Leo: *whimpers* Don't hurt meee!!! WAHHH!!!! *he runs up the stairs* 

Sephiroth: Coward! *he runs after Leo to be stopped by Blank* Out of my way before I decide to turn you into Chop Suey... 

Blank: No! Think of it! If Cornelia were to marry Schneider, everything would be peachy and this would turn into a Disney movie! 

Sephiroth: *shudders* ...And this is good why? 

Blank: ...good point, but I still wanna fight you!*whispers* It's in the script. 

Sephiroth: Oh. *rolls eyes* Very well... *he chases Blank down to where the audience is and begins to duel him, when...* 

Blank: *pants fall down and underwear is showing* 

Sephiroth: *sweatdrops* Sorry... 

Blank: *runs into the castle with Sephiroth* 

*screen fades to black as punches and sword slices are heard. When the screen fades back, the two guards are there victorious, with Sephiroth and Blank in a corner* 

Blank: Uh...what's out backup plan? 

Sephiroth: This...Mother, come to me... 

Blank: Your mom's our backup? *cracks up* 

*Jenova SYNTHESIS crashes through the wall, screeches, and eats the two guards whole, spitting out their armor. It then leaves.* 

Blank: Oo;; Nevermind what I said, nevermind. 

Sephiroth: ...*starts putting on the armor* 

Blank: You're gonna put it on after that thing spit it up? Ewww.... 

Sephiroth: *sword is instantly against Blank's throught* My mother is not a thing. She is the rightful ruler of this Planet. 

Blank: Alright, I'm putting it on already! *he does so* 

Sephiroth: Now...what is the plan? 

Blank: We're gonna pour oglops into Shiva's drink, then give sleeping weed to Rufus! 

Sephiroth: *raised eyebrow* Whatever you say...*he calmly walks up the staircase... and Shiva knocks right into him* 

Shiva: Oww... 

Sephiroth: *peers at the costumed Shiva* Don't I know you? 

Shiva: !? *gets up* 

Xellos: *appears again* Yare, yare...*turns to Shiva* I know what you are thinking of doing, but glomping him would ruin the story... *disappears* 

Shiva: Damn! 

Sephiroth: Now it is unquestionable who it is...If you glomp me...! 

Blank: *runs up the stairs* What's taking so long? C'mon! 

Shiva: *runs past Sephiroth and Blank* 

Sephiroth:*in fake surprise* That was Shiva. Let's go after her. 

Blank: You serious!? Geeze! *he runs after Shiva, and Sephiroth follows. The scene changes to a different set of stairs. Zorn and Thorn enter* 

Zorn: We are in trouble! 

Thorn: Trouble we are in! 

Zorn: This is terrible! 

Thorn: Our heads, Queen Rufus will have! *thud is heard from the royal seats* 

Zorn: We must hurry! 

Thorn: Hurry we must!*they run up the stairs. Xellos appears shortly after* 

Xellos: Hmm...I think I'll leave them just the way they are ^_^ *disappears* 

*Shiva comes down the stairs and knocks into them, followed by Sephiroth and blank* 

Zorn: Oww! That hurt! 

Thorn: That hurt! Oww! 

*They continue to the royal seats like normal* 

Cid: *steps in front of them* What the #$%& do you want, little boys? 

Zorn: *glare* We are not little boys! 

Thorn: Little boys, we are not! *glare* 

Cid: Fine then, little girls! 

*Elena comes up to them and pushes Cid* 

Elena: Stop that! Now, what do you need? 

Zorn: We have an emergency! 

Thorn: An emergency of veritable ergency! 

Elena: What, that you talk like that? 

Zorn and Thorn: *glare* 

Elena: *giggles* Okay, what then? 

Zorn: The Princess... 

Thorn: Is in danger! 

Elena: Princess? Oh, you mean Shiva. Her in danger? Hah! It's more like the guys she's chasing are in danger! 

Zorn and Thorn: *look at each other and sweatdrop* 

Zorn: The Princess has run away! 

Thorn: Run away, the Princess has! 

Elena: I wouldn't blame her... Eh, I'll let Rufus deal with it. *She goes over to him and tells him* 

Rufus: She's gone! Yes! No more nagging me! Freedom! *he starts singing 'Celebration'* 

Elena: *large sweatdrop* Uh...should we go find her? 

Rufus: *pales* What if she's gone to do something horrible- such as steal my spare PS2 from me!? FIND HER!!!! 

Elena: *turns back to Zorn and Thorn* Well, you heard 'em. Get goin. 

Zorn and Thorn: *facefault* 

Rufus: Ahem...I'm assigning the Turks to this. I wouldn't trust those creepy little guys *shudder* 

Elena: Man! *stomps her foot and goes off to find the other Turks* 

Rufus: *looks at Cid* Hmm....well as long as you're under my every command too, I may as well tell you to search too....uh...um... 

[Name the Character, 'Fluffy Foo Foo' ] 

Fluffy Foo Foo: WHAT THE @#$%&%#$@*#%$!@^$%@#%^@&*$!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Rufus: ...*hides the namingway card* Right! Captain Fluffy Foo Foo...*takes a break to laugh for a whole 5 minutes* Search for Shiva! 

Cid(that's now his last name, not first name) : #$%&...fine... *he storms off* 

*in the next room* 

Cid: Knights! Get your @#$%ing asses in here!!! *only three Knights come* 

Knight 1: I bring bad news...We only have 7 Knights now- something came and...*gulp* ATE two of them... 

Cid: Well la de @#$%ing da, GET MOVING AND FIND SHIVA!!!! 

3 Knights: Right! *they run off* 

Cid: ...stupid @#$%ing...*he also walks off. He eventually makes it to the tower, where another Knight is waiting...* 

Knight 6: Ah, I see you've found Knight 1, he won the bowling contest last...*cough, choke* 

Cid: Shut the @#$% up!!! I don't give a @#$% about that!!! *he removes the spear, and continues up the stairs to find...me chasing Sephy* Well...that @#$%@ Elena was right. *laughs* 

Sephiroth: *gets on top of the brick-thing* I'll jump! I will! 

Shiva: No! Nononono!* leaps for Sephy...and ends up falling herself* 

Sephiroth: oO:; 

Cid: AW, #$%&!!!! *leans over the side* 

Sephiroth: -_-;; I suppose I must go after her...*jumps over the side too...to discover Shiva had grabbed a string and is just fine* ...#$%&...*he smacks into the ground, then gets up and chases after* 

Cid: Well if that #$%& can do it, so can I. *he grabs a string...completely forgetting about the armor, and breaks the rope the second he tries to swing off it* #$%&#$%&!!!!!! 

*Meanwhile...Shiva lands on the theater ship, does a victory pose, then walks into the next room* 

Sephiroth: *goes to do the same, when Cid lands on top of him* Umph!...get...OFF! *he tosses Cid the other way, then storms in* 

Shiva: *bumps into Ruby like she's supposed to, and grins sheepishly* 

Ruby: Slow down, cowgirl! Whut's the hurry? 

Shiva: Getting down there *points down the stairs* so I can reveal myself and then glomp Sephy! *fangirlish grin* 

Ruby: ...Right... 

Sephiroth: *rushes in* Aha! *tries to get to Shiva* 

Ruby: Whoa there! Did you see how she slammed into me like that!? *Shiva ducks downstairs* 

Sephiroth: ...no. And I don't care, either. *pushes past Ruby and goes after Shiva. They both end up in the first room* 

Shiva: Trapped... 

Sephiroth: *nods* Okay, for some reason or another I have to capture you and take you to wherever this airship's going. 

Shiva: !? -You- got the part of Zidane!? 

Sephiroth: *shrugs* I'm more surprised you got the part of a princess. 

Shiva: *eyes narrow* And what's that supposed to mean?...Oh well...*glomps Sephiroth* Eee! 

Sephiroth: Erk! *falls over* 

Shiva: ...Sephy? Why are your bangs burnt? 

Sephiroth: A rather embarrassing incident involving a candle... 

Shiva: *giggles* Guess I'd better go with ya then, huh? *someone knocks on the door, and says 'Alright, where the #$%& are you, you #$%&ing #$%&#$%&!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'* oO;; Guess that's Cid... 

Sephiroth: Yes, fine...now get off... 

Shiva: Why? 

Sephiroth: ...I cannot kidnap you with you LAYING ON ME LIKE THIS!!! 

Cid, offscreen: What the @#$%!?!? 

Shiva: Nice going, Sephy... *Cinna runs in* ACK! *deathglomps* 

Sephiroth: ......*face starts turning blue* 

Cinna: *sweatdrops* Did I disturb anything? 

Sephiroth: *Makes 'Get her off' signs* 

Cinna: What? Baku fell down the well? 

Sephiroth: *struggles to pull Shiva off* 

Cinna: Ohh! Well you should've just said so! *helps pull her off somehow* 

Sephiroth: ...Arigatou... 

Shiva: Ohh, it was just you! Sorry, tee hee! 

Cinna: *sniffle* Am I really that scary? 

Sephiroth: Hai. 

Cinna: ......Jerks! *he runs into the next room. Shiva and Sephiroth follow* Open...Sesame! *he jumps down the hole* 

Shiva: Uh-huh, -that's- an original password...*jumps down, shortly after followed by Sephiroth* 

*Cid bursts in* 

Cid: Shiva, where the #$%& are you!? Damn #$%&ing fangirls....Always causing so much #$%&ing trouble....SHIVA GET YOUR #$%&ING ASS OUT HERE RIGHT NOW!!!!! I #$%&ing heard someone yell something from this room! *he goes into the room where they jumped down the hole* #$%&...*points to a neaby knight* You! Jump the #$%& down there, NOW!! 

Knight: *gulp* Okay...*he jumps in, and presses his hands and feet against the walls to keep from falling* Too...fat...can't... 

Cid: GET THE #$%& DOWN THERE! *Cid starts jumping on the knight so that he falls down it...Now Cid's stuck because of the armor* #$%&...*Scene changes to the furnace* 

Sephiroth: *Jumps down gracefully and dramatically* 

Shiva: *lands on the furnace* OWWW! *jumps off, and onto Sephiroth* 

Sephiroth: *Falls over* Erk!...I wish you would stop doing that...*picks himself off and goes over to where Cinna is* 

Cinna: *suspicious look* 

Sephiroth: ..I really had no choice in the matter... 

Shiva: *grinning and staying glomped to Sephy* 

Cinna: Right...well...you go first! 

Sephiroth: ...no. *pushes Cinna through first* Shiva...get OFF! 

Shiva: *pout* Fine...*gets off and follows Cinna* 

Sephiroth: *Also follows* 

Cid: *jumps down in front of them, the sides of his armor looking scraped a lot, as the Knight comes up behind him* Gotcha, you #$%&!!! 

Shiva: *pouts* Wait...*glomps Sephy* Helllp! I don' wanna be caught by them, Sephy!! 

Sephiroth: Erk! *falls over* ...This is, what, the third time in 2 minutes of gameplay?... 

Knight: Don't worry- I'll help you guys out, but I want my Cheez-its later! 

Cid: What the @#$%!? #$%&! Fine, I'll fight you all myself! 

Sephiroth: I'm sorry, you cannot be in this fight, Shiva. 

Shiva: *pouts and gets off, then stands back* Okay...have fun! 

Sephiroth: *calmly walks up to Cid* Do you wish to die now or later? *slices with the Masamune in front of Cid a few times* 

Cid: ....#$%& this! *does a limit on Blank, which gets rid of his armor, then runs* 

Sephiroth: *does his victory stance, and sheaths the Masamune* 

Shiva: Yay, Sephy!!! 

Blank: *sweatdrops* ...You sure she's a princess? 

Sephiroth: No. In fact, she makes our lives a living hell on a webpage somewhere else. 

Blank and Cinna: *sweatdrop* 

*they all run into the next room, but there are only two stands. Sephiroth and Shiva get on one, and Cid makes it on the other. They both rise. Onstage the play is still continuing, and Baku is still saying some dialogue* 

Leo:And before his head gets chopped off, I'll read him a bedtime story! *he gets out a big book, and starts reading in a whisper* All through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse... And that's the bedtime story!Whee! *the two risers...well...rise up* !? 

Sephiroth: ............*whispers* What do we do? 

Leo: *whispers* Beats the hell outta me... 

Shiva: *turns to the audience, and starts singing* Kawaita kaze/ Hayashigo fukianetemo/ Kyo uno hitotsumo/ Tona akanada/ Watashi no pace ni naru/ Daremona urayano/ Kono power ato/ Bibou uni sanaiwa/ Aremo shitai, Koremo shitai/ *is dragged over to the huddle by Sephiroth* What? 

Marcus: ...*whispers* We should probobly just improvise. 

*All nod, Shiva gets ready to start singing again, but Sephiroth stops her* 

Cid: What the hell is this!? 

Sephiroth: *ignores him and cuts Marcus free* 

Marcus: Thanks for rescueing me! 

Sephiroth: *rolls eyes* Whatever. 

Marcus: *runs up to Shiva* Corny! 

Shiva: WHAT!? 

Sephiroth: *to Marcus* Cornleia. 

Marcus: Oh yeah...Cornelia! *hugs* 

Shiva: *sweatdrop* Uh...*hugs back* I thought I'd never see you again! I wuv you! *deathglomps* 

Sephiroth: *snickers* 

Marcus: *gasp* Can't...breathe... 

Shiva: Oops..*lets go* 

Marcus: Cornelia! Let's run away- away from your father! 

Shiva: *Points to Leo* I'd HOPE he's not my father...but sure! 

Sephiroth: *to Leo* You should really just let 'em run away together. One more worry off your back. 

Leo: Yeah, you're right. Okay, see you two- send me a wedding card! 

Sephiroth: *facefault* You're supposed to -deny- it! 

Leo: Oh! No! You must marry this man...*points to Cid* Princess Shneider! 

Cid: I AM NOT A #$%&ING PRINCESS!!!!!!! 

Shiva: *sweatdrop* Do I -look- like a lesbian!? 

Marcus: Well, that can depend... 

Shiva: *whaps Marcus* Baka! 

Leo: ...You're still marrying 'em! 

Marcus: I will fix this! *he grabs his really cheesy looking plastic sword and attempts to stab Leo with it, but Shiva gets in the way and gets poked with it, and collapses down to the ground* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO *gasp* OOOO- *hit by a bus* 

Sephiroth: BAD SHIVA!!! Bad rip-off of Scary Movie! 

Shiva: *meekly backspaces the laptop* 

Marcus: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Cornelia! I cannot live without thou! *he taps himself with his sword and falls over* 

Cid: *is rolling on the floor laughing* 

Leo: *is pretend-mourning* 

Sephiroth: *is looking amused* 

*Scene changes to show Queen Rufus...err, King Rufus....ah, forget it.* 

Rufus: *tears to eyes from laughing* This comedy is great! *snicker* 

Guard: It's supposed to be a serious play... 

Rufus: Who cares? It's great! Encore, encore! *Scene changes to show Vivi and Puck* 

Puck: Well damn! This's turning out betta than the strip show woulda been! 

Vivi: *snicker* Y-yeah...*bursts out laughing* 

Puck: Aw, now you did it! *points to the guards coming toward them and runs* 

Vivi: *trips, and Puck runs back to Vivi for a second* 

Puck: Sucker! 

Vivi: Firaga! *casts it on Puck* 

Puck, now crispy: Ow... *runs, while the guards chase Vivi the other way, onto the stage* 

Vivi: Sh-shoo! *stands behind Shiva's body* ...*peers in the cloak* Whoa... 

Shiva: *eyes snap open* Normally I'd punch the guy that said that... 

Vivi: oO;; What? I...um....actually thought you were dead and were surprised you were alive! 

Shiva: Oh...okay! 

Leo/Baku: Later- I'll be ditching ya's now! 

Shiva: *-_- *punches Baku* 

Baku: Ow! Darn... Well, seeya! *he runs off* 

Cid: *finally stops laughing* That was the funniest damn play I've ever seen! But now I've got to take you the #$%& back to the webpage-err castle! 

Shiva: .......Nope! *glomps Sephy* 

Sephiroth: *falls over* Erk! 

Vivi: *sweatdrops* 

Shiva: *gets off of Sephy and walks over to Vivi* Hi! 

Vivi: H-hi...I'm Vivi... 

Shiva: *nodnod* I'm Shiva, and the guy on the ground is Sephiroth *grin* 

Vivi: ...A-Alexandria's insanity h-has even gotten to the princess... 

Sephiroth: *picks himself up* No, hers was gone way before that. 

Cid: Hello!? What about me!? #$%&!!! 

Sephiroth: Ah, you...fine... *goes up to Cid, slashes in front of him again, and walks back* 

Cid: OO;; #$%&#$%&#$%&#$%&#$%&#$%&!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *he runs and smacks into a wall* 

Vivi: T-that was cool! 

Sephiroth: Yes, its called 'Scare-the-crap-out-of-your-enemies-without-doing-a-thing'. 

Vivi: ...long title... 

Sephiroth: I know, but it works. *The airship suddenly starts lifting off* 

Rufus: NANI!? STOP THEM! FIRE WITH EVERYTHING WE'VE GOT!!! 

Guard: But Queen Rufus... 

Rufus: I don't want to hear it! FIRE AT THEM!! 

Guard: Fine, but don't say I didn't warn you... 

*The cannons fire, and out come millions of...pink bunnies?* 

Vivi: ......*a bunny lands on his hat* 

Sephiroth: *twitch* Pink...fluffy and cute...*shudders* 

Shiva: CUUUUTE!!!! *cuddles them* *A huge cannon fires at them, releasing a giant pink ball of fluff with wings* 

Rufus: ............WHERE THE HELL ARE ALL THE MISSILES!? 

Guard: We don't have any, sir... 

*Back on the ship...* 

Cid: *recovers* #$%&...*steps in front of them, not noticing the pink ball of fluff* #$%&ing surrender already!!! 

Sephiroth: *twitching* Too...pink...*drops Masamune* 

Cid: *grins smugly* About #$%&ing time! 

Shiva: Uh...Cid...There's something behind you... 

Cid: #$%& no, I'm not falling for that! *pink fluff grows larger* 

Vivi: U-um...there's a pink ball of fluff behind you.. 

Cid: #$%&, there's no #$%&ing way there's a #$%&ing pink ball behind me! *it grows larger* 

Sephiroth: ...Then explain....*twitch* All the pinkness around here... 

Cid: *looks around and sees the bunnies, then turns around and sees the fluff* HOLY #$%&!!!!!!! *The pink ball of fluff explodes, and...sends a million more bunnies out.* 

*Scene goes back to Rufus* 

Rufus: Well, that was pointless. 

Guard: No, it wasn't, Queen! 

Rufus: STOP CALLING ME THAT!!! 

Guard: *sweatdrop* Anyway...look! *The ship just makes it outside of Alexandria, then drops because of all the overpopulating bunnies* 

Rufus: ....That's a new one. Oh well, least that got rid of them. 

Guard: The objective was to keep them here... 

Rufus: Oh. Oh well, time to go count my money! La la la...*he skips off.* 

Guard: Hey, you two kids! C'mere! 

Zorn: We are not kids! 

Thorn: Kids we are not! 

Guard: Whatever...send the experiment after them, since Mr. Ditzy Queen Rufus is in la-la land. 

Scene pans back to the theater ship, which has crash landed into Evil Forest* 

Sephiroth: *landed face-first on the ground* ......Ouch. 

Cinna: *comes outside* Oh, hey dude. Amazing stunt you did back there, man. 

Sephiroth: You again...? Why are you talking like a surfer? And for your information, Shiva pushed me out, I didn't jump. 

Cinna: Huh? I wasn't talking about that, I was talking about you trying to kill off all the bunnies. That took guts, man. 

Sephiroth: ......Oh. *looks up and sees the entire ship surrounded by pink bunnies* *faints* 

Cinna: Um...Sephiroth? *pours water on Sephiroth* 

Sephiroth: !? Oh, its just you...And that..ship..*shudder* 

Cinna: Don't worry, it's not as bad as it looks. Only the outsides covered. 

Sephiroth: Oh...Good...*he walks into the ship* 

Cinna: By the way, seen Shiva anywhere? 

Sephiroth: No, thank whatever g-ds there are out there. 

*Moogle flies over in front of Sephiroth. It's wearing a leather jacket, and carrying some chains* 

Moogle: Yo! ATE! Kupo! Dude! 

Sephiroth: ...Yes, I'd believe that you ate her. 

Moogle: No! Active Time Event, kupo, dude! *swings chain around* Press Start and select it, dude, kupo! 

Sephiroth: ...And where would I find this 'Start'? *Playstation controller appears in Sephiroths hands* ...Oh. *presses it and selects the event. In it, Vivi and Shiva are running up a hill...well Shiva is floating up the hill and Vivi is huffing and puffing* 

Vivi: ...why...can't...*pant* you...cast that....on me?... 

Shiva: Ummm...no more MP? *floats backwards* 

Vivi: U-ummm.... 

Shiva: What? *captured by the plant-thingy* Eep! *Scene goes back to Sephiroth and co.* 

Sephiroth: Sephiroth and co...I like the sound of that. *evil smirk* 

Moogle: Dude, aren't you, like, gonna do anything about her? 

Sephiroth: No. 

Moogle: I will, like, totally NOT let you pass until you do! 

Sephiroth: Watch me care. *He starts to go into the ship, but smacks into an invisible wall*!? 

Moogle: Toldja, dude, kupo! 

Sephiroth: ......*calmly walks offscreen onto the next. Slashing is heard, before we shift to the next screen. A lot of goblins are hanging dead from trees, and Fangs are cowering before Sephiroth*Sephiroth: What? I needed something to work out my anger on...*he proceeds to the next screen, where Shiva is trapped inside the plant-things cage, but not looking at all in trouble. Cid is just staring, and Vivi is backing up away from it* What's wrong? 

Vivi: *points to Shiva* 

Sephiroth: Oh...*walks over* Hello. 

Shiva: Hi Sephy! Just waiting for you to save me here...n.n 

Sephiroth: ...right...*enter battle mode, where Sephiroth slashes the plant-thing only to do 70 damage* !?!? 

Cid: Our #$%&ing levels went down to 1... 

Sephiroth: Well, crap. *thing whips Sephiroth* Ow! 

Cid: #$%&... *slices the thing with his spear, doing 50 damage. Suddenly, Sephiroth starts glowing* 

Sephiroth: Nani!? 

Shiva: Oh, that. That's trance- a different kind of limit break. 

Sephiroth: *checks his stats now* ...Thanks, but I'm keeping my -own- limit! Supernova. 

Shiva: Supernova is a limit? 

Sephiroth: When I have the Black Materia, yes. *Supernova goes into effect...but kills Shiva* 

Cid: Baka...the objective is -not- to kill her! 

Sephiroth: Oops. *game restarts to the battle* *Trance goes into effect again* ...which one of my limits doesn't kill off every target...Ah! *he uses Shadow Flare on the Prison Cage. It survives because Shadow Flare is considerably weaker now, and runs off* Coward... *Vivi walks up to where it was* 

Vivi: W-wonder where it took her? *It suddenly swoops down and captures Vivi* H-help! 

Sephiroth: *Trance/Limit breaks wear off* Alright. *slices the thing, it does the same amount of damage. Cid does the same. Prison Cage attacks and does 87* 

Vivi: ...F-forget it, I'll do it m-myself. FIRAGA! *he casts it on the thing. It immediately dies, going crispy. Vivi does a victory dance* 

Cid: HOLY #$%&!!!! 

Sephiroth: How the HELL did you get Firaga so early!? 

Vivi: G-gameshark....That, and I-I'm one of Shiva's favorite characters. *Prison Cage sprays some green spores at them* 

Cid: *taking it the wrong way* That's so #$%&ing nasty...*spores hit him, and he falls over* 

Vivi: *punching in some codes for his gameshark, when the spores hit him* Eep! 

Sephiroth: *spores hit him, but no effect* Hahaha...Mother's cells keep me immune... *he starts leaving. The moogle runs in again* 

Moogle: Duuuuude! You've gotta, like, take them back! 

Sephiroth: ...no. *tries to leave, the same invisible wall is there* Darnit! You're going to make me follow the game's pattern no matter what, aren't you...? 

Moogle: Damn right, dude, kupo! 

Sephiroth: *somehow makes them float up into the air, and follow him as he leaves back to the ship, the wall now gone* 

*Screen opens up inside a room in the Prima Vista, with Vivi on a bed and Blank holding a cup* 

Vivi: *looks at the cup* Something smells good...*reaches for the cup* 

Blank: HEY! You greedy little thief! 

Vivi: N-nani? Isn't that the medicine? 

Blank: This? Heck no! That's my lard cappachino! 

Vivi: *goes a little pale* O-okay, you keep it. S-so....what's my medicine then? 

Blank: *holds up a black scorpion* This. I've just gotta grind this little bugger up, add some lard, add maggots, etc... 

Vivi: *goes even paler* AHHH!!!!!!! 

Blank: Oh yeah, and you've also gotta drink it while leeches suck at your flesh. 

Vivi: OO;; NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! *faints, and the seeds pop out from his skin, not leaving any marks however* 

Blank: Heheheh, the scare cure always gets 'em. *he leaves, and Sephiroth walks by* 

Sephiroth: What was that scream I heard a second ago? 

Blank: Ohh, nothing except me scaring the heck out of that little kid. 

Sephiroth: Well done...Hahahaha...*he walks off* 

Blank: ...What a weirdo. *he goes up to Cid's soon-to-be room, and leaves the scorpion, maggets, leaches, and a note there. Cid comes in a moment later* 

Cid: #$%&...won't let me leave...huh? *he reads the note* WHAT!? I HAVE TO EAT THIS #$%&ING STUFF!? *faints, spores pop out* 

*Screen changes to another area in the Prima Vista, where Sephiroth and Baku are talking* 

Sephiroth: So let me get this straight...You want -me- to rescue -Shiva-, correct? 

Baku: That's right. 

Sephiroth: ......Why? She's better off on her own. 

Baku: What!? Are you crazy- she's a princess! 

Sephiroth: Who dared push me off the Prima Vista, and also glomps me to take me down every chance she gets. 

Baku: ...What's a glomp? 

Sephiroth: It's a fangirl-created term. It basically means to hang off of in a genki-like style... Now that I've told you the first lecture of the game......I -STILL- am not rescueing her! She doesn't need rescued! Do you understand!? 

Baku: No...now go on before I have to kick yer ass to make you do it. 

Sephiroth: I will not. 

Baku: Yes, you have to rescue her. 

Sephiroth: Do not. 

Baku: Do too! 

Sephiroth: Do not. 

Baku: Do too! 

Sephiroth: Do not. 

Baku: Do not! 

Sephiroth: Do too. 

Baku: Alright, that settles it. You're gonna rescue her! 

Sephiroth: *thinks about what he said* .........Damnit. ...... 

Baku: Well then, ja ne! Off you go! Hasta la vista! 

Sephiroth: ......I am still not going. *walks out* 

*A buncha ATEs now...meh, they get annoying. But I'll do 'em for the sake of the game anyways. First, Steiner...errr, Cid....and the dolly* 

Cid: #$%&....How the hell am I going to get outta here? Still too #$%&ing weak to break the door down...*he sits down in a rusty old chair, which breaks* #$%&!!!!!!!!!! *he picks up a doll that was under the chair* A #$%&ing doll in a place like this? What the #$%&? Hah! It's one of Shiva...and darn does she look like a baka! Hey....*he silently pockets it* This could have some #$%&ing use...*Blah blah blah, next #$%&ing ATE...EEP! I think writing Cid's getting to me. Anyway, next one's outside, Cinna's looking for something* 

Cinna: Where'd my dolly go? WAHHHH!!! I WANT MY DOLLY!!! *he starts sobbing* F-first *he's hit with a shoe, an 'I d-do the s-stuttering around here, b-bub!!' is heard* *sniffle* Fine! You're all so mean!!! First my teddy, now you all....stole my prized, mint-condition, one of a kind Princess Shiva doll!! WAHHH!!!! Next thing you know, you'll be after my Queen Rufus one *sniffle* *Okay, little too much information there... next! Mwahaha, that one was actually fun to write... and yes I'm making all of Tantalus 'cept Sephy and maybe Baku sniveling crybaby idiots...and proud of it! Okay, okay, last ATE...a very short one, but I guess it's my duty as a writer to do it. Scene opens in the bar of Alexandria. Ruby is standing at the counter* 

Ruby: Why'd y'all leave me behind? It's so lonely without my Blanky-hun! I wunna go home! 

*Sephiroth goes to check on Vivi, and Vivi has woken up* 

Sephiroth: Soooo...what did Blank do? 

Vivi: W-WHAT DID HE DO!?!? H-HE SCARED THE HECK O-OUT OF ME!!!!!!! 

Sephiroth: It got rid of the spores, didn't it? 

Vivi: W-well, yeah, but still! 

Sephiroth: Ha ha ha...you are amusing. *smirk* 

Vivi: *sweatdrop* Th-thanks I think? You're the first sane person I've come across, s-so... Nice to meet you. 

Sephiroth: .........Did Shiva really make them that out of character? *shakes his head* 

Vivi: H-huh? 

Sephiroth: I'm supposed to be the insane one...not everyone BUT me...... 

Vivi: *sweatdrops again* U-um...sorry I couldn't do anything in the first f-fight, too... 

Sephiroth: Don't worry about it...I didn't need your help...Ha ha ha... 

Vivi: I take i-it back...y-you're insane too... 

Sephiroth: Thank you...*sighs* It seems I am stuck with the duty of getting back Shiva.... 

Vivi: W-why is that bad? 

Sephiroth: Are you mad!? She'll glomp me the first chance she gets when she sees me! 

Vivi: *pulls out a script to the original game* A-according to th-this, she'll be too dazed to glomp you...whatever that means... 

Sephiroth: Really? Hmm...I may do that after all then. *he walks out* Heh...the kid's fine. 

Vivi: *still in the room, so Seph doesn't hear him* Then again...th-this script hasn't been following the game directly, s-so she m-may just be able to g-glomp him... 

Sephiroth: Oh, what the hell. I won't rescue her...more worries off my back... *Xellos appears again* YOU!!!! 

Xellos: Glad you're happy to see me ^_^ 

Sephiroth: Oh just shut up and go away, you annoying twit... 

Xellos: Gomen, but I cannot do that ^_^ 

Sephiroth: Why? Your way is just going poof! Or I could do it the hard way, by shoving you out the door! 

Xellos: *sweatdrop* Iie...you see, you have to go after her. 

Sephiroth: Why? 

Xellos: Otherwise she will end up dead, and you will never get out of this low technology world...That's all for now. Ja! ^_^ *disappears* 

Sephiroth: ......Damnit... FINE I'LL GO AFTER HER!!!!! *All Tantalus crew members around him look at him oddly* *sweatdrop* I'd best go find Cid...after all, my powers are reduced greatly... 

Blank: *walks in* Hey, what're you doing now? 

Sephiroth: ...I've decided to go and find Shiva...I know I'll regret this later... 

Blank: No way! Boss'll never let you not go after- Huh? You'll do it? Geez that was quick. Well...good luck! *he walks off again* 

Sephiroth: That was pointless...*he finds Cid's room and enters* 

Cid: *stands up* #$%&ing finally! Let's get the #$%& out of here, you #$%&!!! 

Sephiroth: Fine, fine...*sigh* I suppose we have no choice but to go after Shiva... 

Cid: #$%&#$%&#$%&#$%&#$%&#$%&#$%&#$%&#$%&#$%&#$%&!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Sephiroth: Yes, I thought your reaction would be like that.......Let's go. 

Cid: No #$%&ing way I'm going without the kid with the #$%&ing gameshark! 

Sephiroth: FINE.......*they go to Vivi's room* We're going to go after Shiva...unfortunately... 

Vivi: Okay! Wh-what made you change your mind? 

Sephiroth: ........If I told you, you probably wouldn't believe me. 

Vivi: Anyways...Ja ne! H-hope you rescue her... 

Sephiroth: *muttering* But who will rescue -me- from -her-!? 

Vivi: H-huh? 

Sephiroth: Nevermind...We would like your assistance. 

Vivi: M-mine!? B-but I would just get in the way! 

Sephiroth: Not with a gameshark you won't. 

Vivi: *sweatdrop* Oh yeah, I f-forgot about that...Okay! *he hops off the bed. Sephiroth leaves* 

Sephiroth: *peeks his head back in* Oh, and Cid...I'd advise no cursing. 

Cid: #$--err, dang! Why did this have to have a $#-fricking side-effect!? 

Vivi: *sweatdrops* 

Cid: Anyway kid, can you get me anything with that gameshark? 

Vivi: U-um, I'll try......*he punches in some codes* No, since you're not part of the original game... 

Cid: $&--Oh, hell! 

Vivi: B-but I can help by boosting your spear with magic! 

Cid: Fine, if that's all you can help with......*they leave. Only Seph is showing since he's the leader of the party* 

Sephiroth: *smirks at this* I'm glad it isn't that merging into that Cloud had going... THAT was scary. 

Blank: What made you change your mind? 

Sephiroth: ..........If I told you, you wouldn't believe me. 

Blank: *sweatdrop* Oh-kay...I'm just reminding you how Abilities work. 

Sephiroth: ......Abilities...? Do they work like materia? 

Blank: What's materia? Anyways, just use the power crystals you have and assign them to abilities in......the screen the author can't think up the name of right now.... Oh, and you might need this *he tosses it to Sephiroth* 

Sephiroth: *sweatdrops* She has to eat a scorpion, lard, tarantulas, leeches, and rats? I feel sorry for her...almost. *he leaves, and goes to the first forest screen* I know what's going to happen in the orchestra scene, so...*he walks back as the ATE begins playing* 

*The orchestra members are playing Rufus's Welcoming Ceremony* 

Conductor: Heheh...glad Blank stole that music from Queen Rufus while we were there! 

Violinist: Yeah, this really ain't half bad! Duh...duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh....hehe! 

*Baku walks down* 

Baku: Not half bad...though I could've sworn I've heard that before. *he walks off as Sephiroth walks back in* 

Sephiroth: How did you get that piece of music? 

All: Blank stole it from Queen Rufus! 

Sephiroth: I......see. Well, try this. *he hands them a different score that looks oddly familiar* 

Conductor: Alright...*he conducts, and One Winged Angel begins playing* 

Sephiroth: Ha ha ha....*evil smirk* *he goes through the forest* 

Baku: *comes back* Hey, we'll be leaving soon, so...*blinks* What the!? ...oh well, that one's not that bad either. More likely to scare the monsters, Gwahaha! *End ATE.We find Sephy over at a spring with a really familiar moogle...* 

Moogle: Heyo dude, kupo! Wassup? 

Sephiroth: *glares at it* 

Moogle: You've got another ATE, dude, kupo! 

Sephiroth: .......*ATE begins, Baku is pacing, and so is Blank* 

Baku: Deliver it to 'em! Now go! Shoo! Be off! I don't wanna look at your face anymore! Begone! 

Blank: *sniffles* You hate me that much? 

Baku: YES!! 

Blank: ....you...you're all a bunch of meanies! *he's hit with a 100 ton safe with a note attached: 'Don't use my catchfraise!!'* .........I can't win! WAHHH!!!!! *he runs out crying* 

Baku: Good riddance...My crew is a bunch of wimps, hoo boy...*he leaves. End ATE. Sephiroth is walking through the forest, when a FMV occurs. It zooms in on the water rippling, showing a faint image, then goes up to reveal the Plant Brain. End FMV. Seph arrives at it* 

Sephiroth: Heheh...This one can be easily taken down. *looks at limit bar* Fill, darnit, fill! 

Shiva: *skips over to Sephiroth and glomps him* 

Sephiroth: Erk! *falls over* ......aren't you supposed to be in a trance? 

Shiva: Nope! You thought I'd let that icky monster touch me!? 

Sephiroth: ......*glares at Vivi* 

Vivi: W-well, I never said the game was following this script... 

Shiva: Sooo whats up ahead? Oh yeah, beat the thing, then...*evil grin* 

Sephiroth: *sweatdrop* That's never a good sign. 

Shiva: This time it is, 'cause I'm gonna get rid of a pest...heheheh... 

Vivi: H-huh? 

Shiva: Because you're my favorite character out of FFIX, I'll tell you. *skips over to Vivi and whispers to him* 

Vivi: O-oh! Y-yeah, I've run into him and he is scary...But he did kinda save me... 

Shiva:*sweatdrop* Heh, this probobly won't work on him anyways,sooo... 

Cid and Sephiroth: ??? 

Shiva: *singsongishly* Oh Xel-los! 

Sephiroth: WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!!! The last thing we need is him..here...oh, darnit... 

Xellos: Yes? 

Shiva: *glomps Xellos and points to the monster, trying to act as fangirlish as she can. She turns to the guys and mouths, 'Go with me on this, 'kay?'* It's too strong and its gonna kill us! Then the game'll end and stuffs! 

Xellos: *large sweatdrop* *teleports out of the glomp* ......Alright. *he casts something, and a mini-black cone appears and kills the monster in one shot* 

Cid and Sephiroth: OO;; 

Vivi: N-not bad...... *Blank runs in, and Xellos hits him with his staff, knocking him out. Sephiroth goes over and grabs the map Blank has... Then the forest starts to petrify* 

Shiva: EEP!! *casts Float on herself and Vivi, and runs the heck out* 

Cid: #$%&......leaving US to run the hard way... 

Xellos: Oh, not so...Only you two...*he floats up too, and watches them attempt to run after him* 

Cid: #$%&#$%&#$%&#$%&#$%&!!!!!!!!!!! 

Sephiroth: I agree with what Cid said...! 

Xellos: Such a temper, you two... ^_^ 

Sephiroth: ARGH!!! *he tackles Xellos to the ground, when a monster comes up behind them* .... Ja. *he runs off, and Xellos is grabbed and petrified. Sephiroth looks back* Of course.... THAT was her plan...*he quickly runs out just as the things close behind him. Cid is shaking Shiva* 

Cid: WHAT THE HELL DID YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING!?!?!?!?!?!?!? 

Shiva: Getting rid of him? 

Cid: WHAT THE---huh? Getting rid of him? 

Sephiroth: Yes...it is true...Mwahahaha...He didn't escape the petrification... 

Shiva: Yesss!! 

Vivi: *sweatdrop* Y-you all know him, too? 

Sephiroth: Unfortunately... The question is, what do we do in celebration? 

Shiva: Conga line? *the others give her weird looks* What- it was the first thing that came to mind! 

Vivi: L-lets just get to sleep? 

Shiva: 'kay! *she picks a tent, and goes to sleep. The others do so, too* 

Sephiroth: *looks at the "medicine"* Well this was completely useless. *he throws it away, then pitches a tent himself and goes to sleep. Morning soon comes, after the annoying get-to-sleep music. All of them are up* 

Shiva: Anyone seen any sugar? Sugar? Neeeeeeed sugar! 

Sephiroth: No, you don't. You're -fine- without sugar! 

Shiva: No I'm not! I need sugar, yeah! 

Sephiroth: Then what about that semi-plotholeish thing behind you? 

Shiva: *looks behind her and sweatdrops. There is a bunch of candy there, still wrapped, hanging off of tree branches* That'll do! Hehehe! *she skips over to it and begins eating some candy* 

Cid: How the hell do you put up with her? 

Sephiroth: It takes patience. Lots and lots of patience....So much you wouldn't believe it... *A certain moogle lands behind him* 

Moogle: Duuuuuuude!!! 

Sephiroth: *jumps, then backs away, Masamune unsheathed* Stay back! *slices* Back, I tell you! 

Shiva: *looks up* Gee, if you're afraid of little moogles I might have to sign up for a new bishie! 

Sephiroth: That's fine with me if you do, but I'm not afraid of it! *slices at the moogle* 

Moogle: Dude, I just wanted to show you something. *Teach me, Mogster! opens up* 

Mogster: *is at a bar, getting drunk* Kuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuupo! *hic* I'll teach ya tooooooooo have fun! *hic* *screen closes out again* 

Moogle: Okay, nevermind, dudes, kupo! He's been pretty messed up lately you know, dude, kupo! 

Vivi: *sweatdrop* 

Shiva: *finished eating candy, packs some in her pockets* Okies, let's go! *she runs off* 

Vivi: *walks after her* 

Sephiroth: Hmph, fine...But I'm watching you! I'm onto you, moogle!*he slices at the moogle a couple more times before leaving* 

Cid: #$%&ing...*he steals the flute, then leaves too* 

*After a while they all find the Ice Caverns* 

Shiva: *runs ahead in* 

Sephiroth: Wait! Ggh...damn ice princess...*mutters something* 

Vivi: *sweatdrop* Th-this must be the ice caverns.. 

Cid: Probably, yeah...*he smokes a cig, then enters. Sephiroth follows, then Vivi, then Cid* 

Vivi: C-cold... 

Shiva: *runs back* It is? No its not! Tee-hee! 

Sephiroth: Brrr....Yes it is. YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE HAPPY ABOUT THIS BECAUSE ICE IS YOUR ELEMENT!!! *an AVALANCHE falls on him* 

Jessie: *brushes herself off* 

Sephiroth: Wrong kind of- *the right type of avalanche falls on him* ...avalanche. 

Jessie: I've gotta be going! I'm late for blowing up a reactor! Hehe! *she runs off* 

Vivi: *sweatdrops* I-it really is cold... 

Shiva: Awww...sorry, but I can't do anything about the cold...Seeya up ahead! And watch for those icy winds! *She starts to run, but Sephiroth grabs her* Hey!Sephiroth: ...You're staying with us... 

Shiva: Awww....alright. *she pouts, and the screen blackens and leaves only her* 

Sephiroth: HEY! *screen blackens again, and all four of them are there* 

Shiva: What? 

Sephiroth: I'm supposed to be the leader! 

Shiva: ......so? 

Vivi: I-its not fair, even if y-you are a summon... 

Shiva: Okay, fine...*snaps her fingers* Anyone else? 

Cid: Hah, no, I'm happy with being blacked out. *he smokes his cig* 

Shiva: 'Kay. Vivi? 

Vivi: I-I'm fine, thanks. 

Shiva: 'kay. *screen blacks out again, and this time Shiva and Sephiroth are both shown. After a while, they come across a wall* Vivi, can you use Fire on this? 

Vivi: S-sure! *he does so, and there's a treasure chest* N-nice! 

Sephiroth: *goes over and grabs the item* 'Mage masher'? Heh...I'll stick with the Masamune. 

*They continue on, burning walls as they please, until...* 

Shiva: *examines one wall* !? 

Vivi: F-Fire! *he burns it a little, half the ice melts* 

Shiva: ....Uhhh, let's leave that one...*mutters* What's sis doing here!? 

Sephiroth: Hmm? 

Shiva: *sweatdrop* Nothing, nothing! Let's just continue, yeah! 

*they do so until they come to a room where the icy wind is really strong* 

Shiva: *remembers something* !!! Next room... 

Vivi: H-huh? *starts going the wrong way* 

Shiva: Hey, watch out! 

Vivi: *he falls over the thing, shortly followed by Cid* H-hey, this is fun! O-ohhh, I don't feel so good....*he's knocked unconsious* 

Shiva: *sweatdrop* *to Sephiroth* You're not falling asleep, right? 

Sephiroth: I'm freezing my arse off, and you think I'm going to go to sleep!? 

Shiva: ......'kay...Ummm...I won't glomp you for the rest of today if you don't kill the next three bosses! Or Cid can't kill them either! 

Sephiroth: *raised eyebrow* Fine, if it will free me from glomping...*he hears a bell* ? *they go to the next room, where Black Waltz 1 is* *sigh* Okay, who are you, what do you want, and go away. 

BW1: *sweatdrops* Why aren't either of you dead!? 

Sephiroth: *to Shiva* Are you sure you don't want me to kill this looney? *to BW1* I'm not dead because of Mother's cells...Hahaha...I am immune to most, invincible at the least... 

Shiva: *sweatdrop* And I'm not 'cause I'm a summon, duh. 

BW1: Oh...Then I've got to kill you- that makes things so much harder! *he leaps down* Sealion, come to me! *he rings his bell, and an ice crystal rises up and forms into Sealion* 

Sephiroth: *unsheaths the Masamune* 

Shiva: Awww....*goes up to Sealion* Poor wittle ice puppy...C'mon, you don't wanna hurt your master, do you? *pets it, and it kneels down and rolls over* There there, that's a good wittle Sealion...*she rubs his tummy* 

BW1: Huh? That's not supposed to happen! 

Sephiroth: *sheaths his weapon* I see no problem here... 

BW1: Well...I can take you on myself! 

Shiva: *turns to BW1* No ya can't...C'mon, can't you just give up? But...don't talk to whoever-is-replacing-Kuja about this, or anyone from Alexandria, okay? 

BW1: ...Since you asked nicely...okay! 

Shiva: *pets Sealion* Thanks! *to Sealion* You be a good wittle puppy, okay? *Sealion nods* 'Kay! *she walks back and gets Cid and Vivi* 

Vivi: *stares at BW1* !?!?!?!? 

Shiva: Don't ask- you'll find out later, Vivi. 

Vivi: O-okay. *they leave the ice cavern* 

BW1: Yeah, they're not that bad...most people just kill you and get it over with. *Xellos appears* ...Aren't you supposed to be still petrified in Evil Forest? 

Xellos: *sweatdrops* Hai, but I have orders to destroy you...This was not meant to be. *he casts a spell, and Sealion and BW1 die instantly. He teleports away* 

???: *ice shatters, walks in here* Normally I wouldn't do this, but sis seems to like them... *casts Life3 on them both and leaves* 

Shiva: *is humming 'You're Not Alone!'* 

Sephiroth: Mwahaha...Now comes the time to rename you... 

Shiva: *sweatdrops* Uh oh... 

Sephiroth: *naming screen pops up* I'll rename you what you are...*types in a name, and Xellos teleports there* NANI!? *pushes Xellos off the cliff* WHY CAN'T YOU JUST DIE!? 

Xellos: *teleports back* You can't rename her that, sorry. *erases the name, and keeps the name Shiva, enters it* ^_^ *disappears* 

Sephiroth: ......Damnit!!!! Damnit all to hell!!!!!*he kicks the wall* 

Cid and Vivi: *sweatdrop* 

Vivi: H-he isn't that bad, right? 

Cid: You bet your ass he is... 

Shiva: *whaps Cid* Watch it! 

Cid: Ow! Darnit, can't even curse if its my trademark...even Sephiroth is allowed to say damn...*he's whapped again* Ow!*he smokes another cig* 

Shiva: Mmkay, well I'm going to the town over there, seeya! *she forgets which direction is the path* !!!!!!!!! *she falls* 

Sephiroth: *smirks and walks down, Cid and Vivi following. They eventually make it to the village, Dali...Being the narrator's boring, ugh...* 

Vivi: H-hey, can I got see the windmill? 

Shiva: Sorry Vivi, not yet... 

Cid: We've gotta rest at the Inn first. *they walk in* 

Innkeeper: *wakes up and stares....At Shiva, not Vivi like he's supposed to* Is it even legal to be dressed like that? 

Shiva: HEY! *mallets Innkeeper, and takes the keys, then walks into the room* 

Sephiroth: *sweatdrops, then follows* 

Innkeeper: Owww...Huh!? *stares at Vivi* 

Vivi: *stares back. This continues until the Innkeeper blinks* I win! *does victory stance, then walks into the room, Cid trailing* 

Innkeeper: Drabbit! Foiled again, puppies! Oh wait, bad refference to Larks rambles I think... I'd better alert my bro about this though. *he nods off to sleep again* 

Sephiroth: ......Why did you want to be kidnapped anyways? 

Shiva: Who wouldn't wanna be by you? 

Sephiroth: That's not what I meant...where would the airship have gone had the bunny incident *shudder* not happened? 

Shiva: Lindblum, duh! 

Sephiroth: And why would you want to go to this 'Lindblum'? 

Shiva: Can't tell, not yet! *sticks her tongue out at Sephy, then hops on the bed, literally* Wheee! 

Vivi: *sweatdrop* S-she sure doesn't act like a princess... 

Cid: That's because she ---Mmph! *Shiva jumps up and clasps her hand around Cid's mouth* 

Shiva: C'mon, we can tell -eventually-, say, end of 2nd disk-ish or so, but not now... 

Cid: Fine. *he takes the armor off, having his regular clothes underneath* Dunno why the hell I didn't do that before. *he goes to sleep* 

Vivi: T-tell me what? 

Shiva: Ya'll find out, believe me! *she hops on the bed a couple times again* 

Sephiroth:...Why must you do that? 

Shiva: Ummmm...'cause the sugar hasn't run out yet? 

Sephiroth: ......Hmph, very well, but -you- are paying for the damages to the bed. 

Shiva: Aww...*she stops bouncing on the bed, and goes to sleep* 

Vivi: ...I don't know them, I-I don't know them, I d-don't know them... *he falls asleep* 

*Black screen, while you hear Shiva singing 'The Dream Within'* 

Sephiroth: ...? .......Her singing still sucks. I'm just surprised she isn't singing in japanese, like usual. *Screen fades in* What!? -I-'m the last one up!? Hmph...something must be done about this...*he storms out* 

*Meh, ATE-festival time...Hooo boy...Oh well *grin* I think I'll mess them up royally.. First... Vivi's walking around town...and the village kids are avoiding him! Poor Vivi-kun...* 

Kid: !!!!!!!! *runs away* 

Vivi: .............(What? Is my breath that bad...?) 

*Okay, next we have Shiva trying to fit in with the village peoples.* 

Shiva: *walking around farming land* Whew, small farm. *hums 'You can hear the cry of the Planet'* 

Old Farmer Lady: ? I could've sworn I've heard that before...Oh, and you're in my way, kiddo... 

Shiva: ? *she moves out of the way* 'Kay. *she continues humming YCHTCOTP,and eventually ends up swaying to it* 

O00FL: These days...the weirder kids get. Heheheh...I'll get 'er. *she tosses an oglop in Shiva's general direction, but she ends up catching it and not looking up* ......*goes over to Shiva and takes her earphones off* BOOGABOOGA!!!!!! 

Shiva: OO;; *jumps about 15 feet in the air, then speeds back to town screaming* 

OFL: Heheheh...still got it...*she continues farming. Annnnnd next we've got 'Cat's Eye' ATE... Innkeeper is petting a cat, and revealing a certain claw..* 

Innkeeper: *deeper voice* I'll get you, Gadget, next time! *cat hisses* *blinks* *normal voice* Errrr...I've gotta do something about that one...thing...yeah...*he calls someone on a telephone, then nods off to sleep again. *listening to a FF CD she made* Oh, next ATE? 'Kay, lesse...YES! NO MORE ATE'S WHOOO!! Okay, calm down narrator, caaaalm narrator.... Anyway, Sephiroth is walking toward Vivi...I don't like the look of that bloodied Masamune...* 

Sephiroth: *sneaks up behind Vivi* *slices a few times behind Vivi while yelling a battle cry* 

Vivi: OO;; *jumps all the way into the Chocobo pen, then turns around* FIRAGA!!!! ......Sephiroth? ......Oops... 

Sephiroth: *now burnt* ...No......problem...*falls over* 

Vivi: *climbs back up somehow, and uses a potion on Sephiroth* Y-you okay? 

Sephiroth: Now I am...*mutters* Sorry for trying to scare you...I can't believe I just said that... 

Vivi: O-okay...*continues staring up into space* 

Sephiroth: ....I'm usually not this type, but I think Shiva's getting to me...... What's wrong? 

Vivi: Th-the village kids keep avoiding me... 

Sephiroth: ......I know the feeling. *pats Vivi on the back* Just ignore them... They think they're better than you are, since they don't have glowing eyes or regenerating skin... Don't listen to them, they're wrong, you're not a monster...*huddles knees to chest and starts rocking back and forth, repeating this* 

Vivi: *sweatdrop* U-um, Mr. Sephiroth? Y-you're spasming..B-by the way, what makes a 'kweh' sound?. 

Sephiroth: *snaps out of it* Thanks...*shudders* Bad memories of my childhood...And honestly, I have no clue. Meet back at the Inn...*he walks away* 

Vivi: Th-that was weird... *some kids near him* *glares at each and every one of them* Y-you won't take me consious! *one kid nears him, and gets Firaga'd* S-see? *One mallets Vivi hard enough to knock him out* Sh-should've said alive...*he's dragged off* 

Sephiroth: *wanders back to the Inn* I wonder where Cid is... 

*'Nother ATE. Only three more to go in this town. Anyways, Shiva's.... run into a store, and ran into a wall, KOing herself....She's coming around though* 

Shiva: Ohhhh....ugh...That wasn't a good idea... Oooo! CANDY! *she runs over to it, trying to pick which one to take. 

Shopkeeper Eve: If you want them, you're going to have to pay for them. 

Shiva: *looks up, and sees Eve's nametag* EVE!? NMC'S!? AHHHHHHHHH!!!! *ducks into a barrel, cowering* 

Eve: *sweatdrops* I won't ask... 

*Next, Cat's Eye 2...The Innkeeper has the same claw on, only the cat's on the fireplace* 

Innkeeper: *deep voice* I'll get you one day Gadget, one day!!!*cat hisses* *normal voice* *blink* I seem to have been possesed by the Claw? Oh, that's nice. Heheheh...I sent them to pick it up...Although I have to pay for the burn marks on that one kid, but hey, a living is a living. *he nods off to sleep AGAIN. Come on, peoples, SOMEONE WAKE THE GUY UP ONCE AND FOR ALL!!!! Bad narrator, baaaaad narrator, going nuts even though half the story isn't complete yet...No more ATEs...yet...Sephiroth walks into the store, and notices a shaking barrel...he pokes it, and Shiva jumps out and clings to Sephiroth* 

Sephiroth: ......... 

Shiva: ITS EVE!!! SHE'S EVIL!!! EEEEVIL!!!!! 

Sephiroth: -You- have been playing way too much Parasite Eve... 

Eve: *sweatdrops* I still won't ask... 

Sephiroth: Look...wait at the Inn, okay? 

Shiva: Why? 

Sephiroth: Just do...we'll be laving soon. 

Shiva: 'Kay. *she skips off, pocketing some candy* 

Sephiroth: *to Eve* Terribly sorry about that...She thinks Parasite Eve is the scariest game ever made...Wait til she sees Silent Hill...*evil grin, walks out* 

Eve: *large sweatdrop* 

Sephiroth: I suppose I will go back, too...*he does* ? Vivi isn't back? 

Shiva: Nope... 

Sephiroth: So my only company is you...Great... 

Shiva: Hey!....By the way, where's Cid? 

Sephiroth: Couldn't find him, so I don't really care...Come on, when is the next boss going to show up!? 

Shiva: Soon, hopefully... 

*AND the last ATE......'Queen Rufus*thud*'s Fluffy Foo Foo'...Scene opens in the Alexandrian castle, where Rufus is in his pajamas and cuddling a bunny* 

Rufus: You're a cute widdle Fluffy Foo Foo, aren't you? Yes you are, yes...*cuddle* *offset, someone bursts out laughing hysterically. Rufus looks up* Huh!? Who put an ATE cam in here!? *he goes over and shuts it off. Hehehehe, oh, that was -so- worth the risk! Mwahahaha...Errrr, anyways, to the real ATE... Cid is sitting around the bar, smoking. 

Cid: Hey kid, you know any way to get to Alexandria from here? 

Kid: Yes sir...But I'm not sure if I should tell you... 

Cid: Just #$%&ing tell me before I shove this spear up your ass! *he holds it threateningly* 

Kid: OO;; Go talk to the old guy on top of the hill-he'll tell you!!!! 

Cid: Thanks, kid *he walks out. Scene goes back to Shiva and Sephiroth* 

Sephiroth: *with an evil smirk, in a surprisingly haunting voice* In my restless dreams, I see that town, Silent Hill. You promised you'd take me there again some day. But you never did. Well, I'm alone there now...in our special place...waiting for you. 

Shiva: *gripping the covers of the bed, visible shaken* That doesn't sound too bad... 

Sephiroth: Ah, but what you don't know is that this is from the main character, James', wife. Scratch that- dead wife. 

Shiva: Eep! *dives under the covers* 

Sephiroth: *chuckles* If she ducks under the covers after only that, I must get the game and force her to play...Mwahahaha... *he puts away the issue of OPM* 

Shiva: *peeks out from under the covers* 

Sephiroth: Oh, and I do happen to have a demo disk with it on it... That is, if the zombies don't get you first... 

Shiva: ZOMBIES!?!? AHHHHH!!!!!!! *she completely dives under the covers, this time, even in the covers it looks like she's a nervous wreck* 

Sephiroth: Haha...You are simply too easy to scare...*he smirks* 

Shiva: H-h-hey, where's Vivi? Sh-shouldn't h-he b-b-be back yet? 

Sephiroth: Ah, yes... 

Shiva: Well, let's go look for him..*she peeks out from under the covers again, still shaken* 

Sephiroth: Very well...are you coming, or is the bloodthirsty zombie behind you going to eat your still-moving flesh before we can go? 

Shiva: OO;; *she runs out, leaving a dustcloud, and a thud is heard a short time later* 

Sephiroth: *chuckles* I have too much fun doing that...*He walks out after her, and finds her smashed against a shop's wall* Have fun on your jog? 

Shiva: *peels herself off of the wall* Ow...you were making the thing about the zombie up, weren't you? 

Sephiroth: *sarcastically* What was your first guess? 

Shiva: ......*hears a 'kweh'* Chocobo! *she runs over to it, and into the pen, and starts petting them* Awww, poor chocobos... 

Sephiroth: *sweatdrops and walks over there* Shiva no baka...Aren't we supposed to be looking for Vivi? 

Vivi's voice: I-I'm right here... 

Shiva: OO;; GHOST!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! *she runs around blindly for a while, finally running into the pen wall and knocking herself out* 

Sephiroth: *sweatdrop* 

Vivi: I-I'm not a ghost...I'm just...umm...s-somewhere underground? 

Sephiroth: Alright...*sigh* I'll go find a way underground. 

Shiva: *nodnod* I'm coming too! 

Sephiroth: When did you regain consiousness? 

Shiva: Ummm...a second ago? 

Sephiroth: Fine...Mother...Come to me... 

Shiva: *glare* 

Sephiroth: No. Do not attack her *evil glare at Shiva* 

Shiva: *meekly* Okay... 

*Jenova SYNTHESIS comes, and digs a tunnel to where Vivi is* 

Vivi: *looks up* AHH!!! FLARE!!!! *he uses the attack, charcoaling Jenova. It screeches, and leaves* 

Sephiroth: *hops down gracefully, Shiva following* ......... 

Vivi: W-wow! You g-guys just missed th-this weird thing d-digging a t-tunnel down here! 

Sephiroth: ............... 

Shiva: *grin* Way to go, Vivi! *looks at Sephiroth* Don't mind him...Eheheh...Sooo...what's up? 

Vivi: I-I dunno...I was u-unconsios until n-now... 

Shiva: 'Kay...while we're here, we may as well explore, right? *she runs off* 

Vivi: *sweatdrop* *to Sephiroth* A-are you going t-to be okay? 

Sephiroth: ......Mother... 

Vivi: *sweatdrops again, then follows Shiva. Sephiroth eventually does, too. The next room has a couple of machines in it, and it appears to be...making eggs. They go through that room without any problems.* 

Vivi: *stops in one room* ......Coffin-shaped boxes? 

Sephiroth: *snort* Maybe Vincent's hanging around in one. 

Shiva: *whaps Sephy* Not funny... 

Vivi: V-Vincent? H-huh? 

Shiva: Ummm...nevermind, chances that we'll meet him along the way anyhow. 

Sephiroth: Great...*thinks for a moment* Maybe he brought Anime tapes... 

Shiva: YAY! 

Sephiroth: I said maybe! 

*They walk through the next few screens, until they come to one with a chocobo* 

Shiva: CHOCOBO! *she runs up to it, and starts petting it* 

Sephiroth: *shakes his head* -_-;; Can we just move on? 

Shiva: Why? 

Sephiroth: ........ 

Shiva: *pout* Oh, fine...*she starts to go through, then remembers what's in the next room* ......... 

Vivi: S-Something wrong? 

Shiva: *sweatdrop* Uh...no...nothing, yeah... 

Sephiroth: *just starts walking through* ? Noise? Like something is hatching? 

Shiva: *sweatdrops even larger* *gulp* Guess he would learn one way or another... *walks into the next room after Sephiroth, Vivi following shortly after* 

Vivi: Wh-what is this!? *Black mages are being manufactured, and hanging off of a conveyor belt, and moving forward* 

Shiva: ...... 

Sephiroth: *clutches his head* No...not like this...*he takes out the Masamune and starts slicing at the machinery* 

Vivi: A-are they dolls!? 

Shiva: ......maybe...*looks up when she hears someone coming, and hides Vivi and Sephiroth. Shortly after, two villagers enter*Villager 1: Did you hear anything? 

Villager 2: Probably just the chocobo... 

Villager 1: You're right. *they leave....And boxes start dropping on Sephiroth and co., carrying them away. This's getting kinda serious, ain't it? Bleh...stupid storyline I have to follow...Kinda gonna get even more serious soon...Ggh. Anyway, scene's now with Cid who'se trying to talk to the old fart at the top of the hill.* 

Cid: #$%&! Tell me when the #$%& the next #$%&ing plane to #$%&ing Alexandria #$%&ing leaves! #$%&#$%& #$%&#$%&!!!! 

Morrid: I'm not going to tell you if you use that much foul language... 

Cid: It's my #$%&ing trademark, and the #$%&ing only way I get to use it is when I'm away from the #$%&ing little kid! 

Morrid: ......Oh. In that case then, come on in and have a cup of coffee? 

Cid: Tea. 

Morrid: Tea? Alright then. *they both walk down the mountain and have a cup of tea* 

Cid: *in the middle of telling a story* And then I said, 'Sit down and drink your goddamn TEA!' 

Morrid: *laughs* You're a pilot, right? 

Cid: Damn straight! 

Morrid: I happen to have a cargo ship that needs tuning up...Would you mind having a look at it? 

Cid: Not at all- Where is the #$%&? 

*Hey! What the heck!?* 

Cid: Take a #$%&ing hike, narrator! 

*FOLLOW STORY. NOW.* 

Cid: You're pulling a #$%&ing Fujin! 

*SO? MAKES PEOPLE LISTEN.* 

Cid: Not this #$%&ing old geezer! 

*FOLLOW STORY. OR ELSE.* 

Cid: Or else #$%&ing what? 

*Cid suddenly bursts into flames, not killing him, but making him suffer.* 

Cid: #$%&#$%&#$%&#$%&#$%&#$%&#$%&#$%&#$%&!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

*OR ELSE THAT. The flames go away...temporarily* 

Cid: *now burnt* #$%&...fine...*to Morrid* Seeya later. 

Morrid: Have a nice time! *waves* 

Cid: Right back at you, you old #$%&! *waves back, then he goes down to the awaiting Cargo Ship...Ahhh, sometimes it's good to be a narrator...* 

Cid: Now I have to take that #$%& Shiva back...Hey wait! This is the #$%&ing Cargo Ship he was talking about!!! *A barrel near him moves* #$%&!!!! *he all-out attacks it with his spear. Lots of 'Ow! Ow! STOP!!!!' yells come from it. Finally, Sephiroth slices the barrel open, accidentally hitting Cid, and KOs him* 

Sephiroth: Ah...Sorry..*Later, Cid is awake again. Shiva is looking around very nervously* 

Cid: What the hell!?!?!? 

Sephiroth: Don't ask. I may choose to tell you later, however... 

Shiva: The ship's heading for Lindblum, right? *glances around nervously again* 

Cid: Yeah...Sure...And why the hell are you glancing around like that!? 

Shiva: Ummm...nothing...*keeps glancing around* 

Sephiroth: *sigh* Fine. It's going to Lindblum, then...Let's hurry up and- *he's interrupted as Black Waltz 2 appears* 

BW2: Princess Shiva, ---ERK! *he falls to the ground as he's glomped by her* 

Sephiroth: *snickers* With such an attack, why would she ever need protecting? 

Cid: Darn right *laughs* 

BW2: ...Get...Off...So I can take you back... 

Shiva: No! 'Sides, I don't want you killed! I wike the Black Waltzes! *weird stares from everyone* *raised eyebrow* Not like that! I just think they're the best bosses in the game, hehe! 

Sephiroth: Oh...NOW I get why you didn't want me killing them. 

BW2: Wh-Why? 

Shiva: *freezes for a second, then relaxes* Because? Besides...as Zidane's quote goes: You don't need a reason to help people. 

BW2: *sweatdrops* 

Sephiroth: ...I don't think you're going to have any luck prying her off, either...So far I haven't... 

Shiva: That's right- I'm only letting go if you won't attack us...that, and don't tell Rufus about this. Or whoever's-replacing-Kuja... 

Vivi: *sweatdrop* All at once I'm glad I-I'm not glompable... 

Cid: Just give up. 

BW2: Argh...FINE! 

Shiva: *gets off* *grin* 

Xellos: *appears, casts a spell, and kills BW2* 

Sephiroth: *blink* ......Aren't you still supposed to be petrified? 

Xellos: *sweatdrop* Hai, but I have orders...This was not meant to be... 

Cid: No shit, sherlock! 

Shiva: *jaw dropped, staring in shock* 

Sephiroth: *sweatdrops* I don't think she'll recover from that easily. 

Xellos: Too bad for her- Ja ne ^_^ 

*............I LIKED THE BLACK WALTZES TOO! THEY WERE COOL!!!! I-I know! I can get rid of him...yes...Mwahahaha...* 

Xellos: Something wrong with the narrator? 

Cid: Hell yeah, she's crazy! 

Shiva: *blinks a few times* ... HOW THE HELL COULD YOU JUST DO THAT!? 

*Aw, cripes...Now the serious part comes. Ugh...Oh well...REVENGE FOR THE BLACK WALTZE! Viva la Black Waltze! Not sure what that means, but it fits the situation, I think?* 

???: This should be easy...Which char to use... 

Xellos: *sweatdrop* I just started a war, didn't I? 

Sephiroth: Most likely, yes. 

Shiva: *looks up* Sis...? 

???: I'll just go with this one for now...DDD time? 

Shiva: *evil grin, runs up a hill and joins ???* 

GF Shiva: *appears in an ice crystal, and shatters it, then puts both hands back, charging up a blast...* 

Shiva: *floats up, snow falling around her, reaches one hand back, also charging up a blast...* 

GF Shiva and Shiva: *Both release the blasts at the same time, and freezing Xellos completely. GF Shiva walks up and shatters Xellos, getting rid of 'em until I feel like it...* 

GF Shiva: *watch beeps* ...rats...out of cameo time...*she disappears* 

Shiva: Bye sis! *casts Life3 on BW2, who flies off* 

Vivi: ...H-how many of them are there!? 

Shiva: ...dunno... 

Sephiroth: .........There's more Shivas!?!? 

Shiva: Umm...I wouldn't worry- sis is obsessed with Zechs and Trowa(Ummm...correct that if I'm wrong *sweatdrop*) 

Sephiroth: Whew...Anyways, let's just get on the ship before anything else happens... 

Cid: I'll go up and check the thing first. *he does so* 

Shiva: Heh...can't believe Rufus actually sent him after me...oh well. *shrug* *The Cargo Ship starts taking off* HEY! *she runs to catch it, and eventually does, Sephiroth and Vivi following* 

Shiva: ? You have a tail? 

Sephiroth: It took you that long to notice...? 

Shiva: It's cute! *tugs it* 

Sephiroth: ......*just goes inside, Shiva following. Vivi had already went inside. All the Black Mages that were in Dali are up and walking around, running the machinery. Vivi keeps attempting to talk to them, failing* 

Shiva: ...Poor Vivi... 

Vivi: *walks over* It's like......they don't even......see me at all...I tried......again and again......but......they won't even turn around... 

Sephiroth: ......... 

Shiva: ............ 

Sephiroth: Well...what's next? 

Shiva: You go up and turn the ship around so it's going to Lindblum... 

Sephiroth: *he climbs up the ladder, and sees Cid* *sneaks up behind Cid* *in that same haunting voice* In my restless dreams, I see that town, Silent Hill. 

Cid: *tenses because he's heard that before, and definitly heard that name before* 

Sephiroth: You promised you'd take me there again some day. But you never did. 

Cid: *now really tense, he knows he's heard this somewhere before* 

Sephiroth: Well, I'm alone there now...in our special place...waiting for you. *adds an evil-sounding laugh for effect* 

Cid: #$%&!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ZOMBIE!!!!!! *he runs right ahead, into the glass* 

Sephiroth: *chuckles* I love doing that. *he walks ahead into the bridge, and attempts to take over steering, and somehow manages to make it turn around...Far away, or not so far away, the third Black Waltz spreads his wings and glances at the ship menacingly* 

Cid: #$%&!!!!!!! YOU #$%&!!!!!!!!! *he runs in* 

Sephiroth: *chuckles* You should have seen the look on your face...Priceless... 

Cid: Do you have that @#$%ing Silent Hill 2 opening memorized or something!? 

Sephiroth: Yes....and it helps. *puts the Masamune at Cid's throught* Now...help us or I send your head rolling off of your bloody shoulders, oh, maybe getting one last breath before death sinks in and your vision fades out...not only from the loss of air, but from the indescribable pain... 

Cid: @#$% you have a knack for scaring the @#$% out of people...Fine! I'll @#$%ing help you! 

Sephiroth: It takes years of practice...very well...*he sheaths the Masamune. Meanwhile, Shiva is trying to calm Vivi down, when Black Waltz 3 lands* 

Shiva: !! *jumps away* Don't DO that!!! 

BW3: So, No. 2 was defeated by a small child! You are no match against my power!Kwahahaha! Princess, stay there while I eliminate this child! 

Shiva: You really think I'll stay and watch while you kill Vivi!? Uh-uh! *glomps BW3* 

BW3: N-Nani!? What...? 

Vivi: *sweatdrops* 

Sephiroth: *walks in* Oh, you must be the latest Black Waltz...Hah..no problem... 

BW3: Get...her...off! 

Sephiroth: No. 

BW3: Fine! I'll not attack you, if you do, then! 

Shiva: OR the other black mages on the ship... 

BW3: How did you...!? FINE! 

Shiva: 'kay...*doesn't let go* 

Vivi: Wh-why isn't she letting go? 

Shiva: I don't wanna... 

BW3: *sweatdrops* 

Sephiroth: *sighs* Very well...this is getting old, I know, but...*walks up behind Shiva, and sets up a mini-TV somehow, and plays the Silent Hill 2 preview* 

Shiva: OO;; *faints, falls off* 

BW3: Thanks, I think...But what WAS that? 

Sephiroth: Silent Hill 2...Heheh, I have her terrified of it...By the way, would you mind getting rid of Zorn and Thorn early in the game? They get really annoying... 

BW3: Them? Sure. They get on my nerves, too. *he flies out after them, unfortunately, they bail and he lands in the ship* *sweatdrop* ...how do these controls work? *he presses one, and it runs right in front of the Cargo Ship* oO;; 

Cid: What the @#$% do you think you're doing!? 

BW3: ...I don't know how to work this thing? 

Cid: Of all the...Let me over there! *he jumps into the smallet plane, and lands it on the Cargo Ship* There...*The Cargo Ship races through South Gate, everyone's fine, etc...* 

BW3: ......I don't really have anywhere to go, so... 

Vivi: Y-you want to go with us? I-I dunno...y-you tried t-to kill me a s-second ago... 

BW3: I won't this time, though...please? 

Sephiroth: Very well... 

Cid: Who the hell made you leader!? 

Sephiroth: The game did. 

Cid: Oh...Fine. 

Shiva: *wakes up* ...? No more, zombies, right....? 

Vivi: *sweatdrop* N-no...I d-don't see any... 

Shiva: Okies...*goes to the side railing and looks at Lindblum* 

Sephiroth: That's odd...she hasn't glomped me ye...t...*Shiva glomps him* Why did I do that...? 

Vivi: L-look! It's Lindblum! *The cargo ship lands in Lindblum after a nice FMV overlook of the city...BW3 is now a party member then...? YAY! Errr, anyways, it lands, yeah... 

Vivi: *looks up thoughtfully* ...Wonder why those Black Mages on the ship don't respond... 

BW3: You didn't know!? 

Vivi: You do!? Then why...? 

BW3: For now, they are soulless golems, only doing what their masters tell them to. 

Vivi: !!! 

BW3: Uh...forget what I said. *All of them leave the ship* 

Shiva: *singing* I am only like the moon/ You are far away as the Earth/ Though you say I light your thoughts night after night/Soon you forget/ 

Cid: *whacks Shiva with his spear* Quit singing! 

Shiva: Oww! *glares at Cid, then thinks about something* We're halfway through the first disk... 

Sephiroth: ? 

Shiva: Huh? Oh! Nothing, just thinking out loud, its nothing, eheh.. 

Sephiroth: You've played the game already...? 

Shiva: Well, yeah...why wouldn't I have? 

Sephiroth: *sigh* At least we have someone who can predict the future, now... 

Shiva: Dunno about that- the story might just change...doubt it, but its possible. 

Vivi and BW3: 'Game'? 

Cid: *sweatdrops* Don't pay attention... its nothing, really... 

Shiva: *turns to BW3* By the way, who -is- replacing Kuja, anyways? 

BW3: Who'se Kuja? 

Shiva: Uhh...Y'know, the one that gives you orders, other than Rufus... 

BW3: Oh, him! Well I don't know his name, but he has spiky red hair in a ponytail, likes to dress in expensive looking suits, and likes to carry around a cup of booze and a flashlight... 

Shiva, Cid, and Sephiroth: RENO!?!? 

Shiva: Reno's replacing the crossdressing freak? *giggles* 

Sephiroth: Heheh... At least he is no competition, for I shall be the only 'angel' in this game... 

BW3 and Vivi: *look at each other, and sweatdrop* 

Vivi: J-just smile and nod, smile and nod... 

BW3: Right... 

*An Elite Guard comes in* 

Shiva: 'Kay, guess I'm on then.... *goes up to the guard* I'm Shiva, and I need to see Cid, 'kay? 

Sephiroth: Oh ha ha...very princess-like, yes... 

Shiva: Oh shaddap. 

EG: Yeah, right...a princess, riding in that ship, with this crew...Suuuure.... 

Sephiroth: It's a long story- don't ask. 

EG: Then show me proof of your royal heratige or something... 

Shiva: Uhhhh....*sweatdrop* *then for the first time notices she's wearing a necklace* This'll do, right? *shows it to him* 

EG: Yep...Suuure...*blink* Eep! Call the minister! *he runs off* 

Cid: What'd you do, flash him or something? 

Shiva: *mallets Cid with 'Meteor Destroyer', her large black mallet.* HENTAI!!! 

Sephiroth: *was about to make a similar comment, but closes his mouth* 

Vivi and BW3: *are in a discussion about their spells, Vivi pulls out his gameshark and punches some codes in... Then Minister Artania comes in* 

Artania: What is going on? 

EG: Sir, we have unknown visitors that wish to see the regent. And one of them is carrying a pendant that looks like a Falcon Claw. 

Artania: ! You are dismissed. 

EG: Huh? But I didn't do anything wrong! 

Artania: No, I mean I'll deal with them. 

EG: Ohhh! Go ahead, sir! *he runs off* 

Artania: It's good to see you, Princess...Please come with me. The regent is waiting. *Everyone follows* 

Sephiroth: ...Do you even know the regent? 

Shiva: Of course not...but I've played the game over a couple times so I know what to say. 

Sephiroth: Alright, but you had better not mess up. 

*They reach the Lift, and go up to the Upper level, and reach the throne room. The throne is empty* 

All: ? *An oglop peeks out from behind the thrown, and hops down* 

Oglop: Greetings! 

Cid: Why the hell is that thing there? 

Shiva: *blink* 

Vivi: Th-that's a big oglop...and a talking one, too! 

BW3: I don't think oglops are supposed to talk... 

Sephiroth: .........That cannot be the ruler of this city, can it? 

Artania: Yes, it is. It is the regent... 

Regent: Yes,it is I, Cid Fabool- 

Cid: -You- are the Cid of FFIX!? That's a laugh! 

Artania: Please refrain from commenting... This is not an MSTing, after all... 

Regent: ...Anyways, I knew it was you- I recognized your pendant's description; it's so much like my Falcon's Claw. I'm delighted to see you again, Shiva... I see you're doing fine, but I... 

Artania: Someone snuck into the Regent's chambers one night, and changed him into an oglop... When we got there, it was too late...His wife, Lady Hilda, was also abducted.... 

Shiva: *muttering* Not...Well, kinda...*out loud, trying her best to sound princess-ish* Um, thanks for seeing me on such short notice, but I need to speak with you privately about..... Rufus. 

Regent: That's what I figured. But I'm sure it can wait until tomorrow...Why don't you all get some rest for today? 

Shiva: Okay...Err, thank you. 

Artania: It is time for lunch. Please, come with me.*Screen blacks out as they do, and re-opens in town, where Sephiroth is outside of a bar* 

Sephiroth: As much as it would have been amusing to see Shiva attempt to fake being a princess, I must explore the town...Yes, that is tactful...*he enters the bar* But first... a drink.... *he stares at the occupants of the bar, and stares blankly at one* ......*jaw drops* VINCENT!?!? 

Vincent: *looks up* Hello, Angel *pauses* -_-;; 

Sephiroth: *sits down beside Vincent* How...? 

Vincent: I do not know...I just appeared here...And you? 

Sephiroth: I've been here a while...Since the beginning, infact...Seems that I got the role of the main character... 

Vincent: Ah...What have I missed? 

Sephiroth: Nothing much, Shiva's been made a princess, as impossible as that sounds, Rufus a queen, which isn't that far off, Cid is Shiva's personal guard, it appears...I got stuck with a bunch of crybaby idiots at first, then ditched them...We picked up this kid on the way, and also a bat-like version of the kid. 

Vincent: *sweatdrops* Hmmm...did you know there was a festival going on right now? 

Sephiroth: ? I didn't see any celebrating... 

Vincent: *takes out a flyer, and shows it to Sephiroth* 

Sephiroth: 'Festival of the Hunt- Come test your skills, and win a prize....' Hah, hardly worth my time... 

Vincent: Hasn't your level been pushed down a lot, Angel? *twitch* ...Forget it, it is no use attempting to stop that... 

Sephiroth: Now that you mention it, yeah it has...*sigh* Maybe you're right, I should use this as an oppertunity to raise my level...You? 

Vincent: My level has gone down a lot...To about level 10. 

Sephiroth: Then you're already ahead...Mine is level 7. 

*C'mon, you don't really wanna see that bad of an impersonation of a princess, do you? What!? You do!? Geeze, crazy peops out there...fine. Screen fades to black, and opens in the throne room.* 

Regent: So, how is the queen? Is he still as vibrant as ever? 

Shiva: *sweatdrops* ......Define vibrant. 

Regent: I meant, how is he. 

Shiva: Oh, fine, but he's been acting kinda ditzy... 

Regent: *sweatdrop* Ditzy? 

Shiva: Yeah...we haven't spoken that much, and...*evil grin* also, a suspicious guy's been sneaking around the castle...I think Rufus may be going out with him. 

Regent: *sweatdrop* Anything else? 

Shiva: Yeah...I need you to talk some sense into him! He was beginning to get annoying, so I decided to try and sneak aboard the theater ship...But I never expected them to kidnap me. 

Regent: Yes, I ordered that...I once promised your mother should anything happen, I would protect you...And I also felt something strange was going on in Alexandria. But had we acted directly, we would've started a war! Blah blah blah.......Baku....blah blah blah...I'm relieved we were able to get you here. 

Shiva: *snaps awake* Oh! Yeah, that's good...Also, we saw black mages being manufactured in Dali, sooo... I think Rufus, being the greedy @#$%@#$ he is, may be preparing to use them for war? *realizes what she said* Oh! Uhhh...been hanging around my body guard too long, eheheh...*sweatdrop* 

Regent: Yes, that's understandable......That's always been Cid's opinion of Rufus. His language seems to be getting better, though. I wouldn't worry about war, though. We have our fleet of airships, so those black mages shouldn't be a problem. 

Shiva: 'Kay...err... Very well. Thanks for helping... 

Regent: It is my pleasure...after all, I'm your uncle, right? 

Shiva: Right...eheh...*Scene switches to the airship docks* What's this? 

Regent: The heart and soul of Lindblum; our airship docks. This is dock no. 1, where we conduct our research. 

Shiva: Huh...where did all the airships go? *adds quietly* Into hersheys cookies and cream! 

Regent: Lonely, isn't it? We had a new model a few months ago, but someone stole it. 

Shiva: Your wife, right? 

Regent: How did you guess!? 

Shiva: Ummm...just came to me, I guess. 

Regent: Yes...Anyways, I met this lovely lady at a pub...When Hilda found out, she was so angry she turned me into an oglop and stormed off! She hasn't been back since... I've been working on the Hilda Garde 2, but my mind isn't the same as an oglop... 

Shiva: 'Kay, so when can we get to Alexandria? 

Regent: Probably sometime in the next few days. 

Shiva: 'Kay! 

*Zzzzzzz...Huh? Ohhh, the boring parts over! Okay....Scene switches to the Inn in Lindblum, where Sephiroth is just waking up* 

Sephiroth: ...There have been better beds in SOLDIER...Ugh...* Vivi comes in* Hello. 

Vivi: Hi...Lindblum sure is big... 

Sephiroth: No kidding...Heh, not bigger than Midgar, however. 

Vivi: Wh-what's Midgar? 

Sephiroth: *sweatdrop* Nevermind...really... 

Vivi: Okay...Wonder where people go when they want to be alone? 

Sephiroth: Most likely out of the city... 

Vivi: B-by the way, what happened to the people you were with when we first met you? 

Sephiroth: I don't know, and frankly, I do not care in the least... 

Vivi: Y-you should at least check and see if they're back...Sephiroth: *sigh* Alright...You want to come? 

Vivi: No thanks- I'm going to explore the city with 3. 

Sephiroth: *nods* Do as you wish...*he leaves, Vivi, too, leaves shortly after. Hooooo boy.... ATE festival time.Again. Oh well... It's another Mogster lesson. This time he's at a karaoke bar, singing the Cardcaptors theme song* 

Mogster: Shadow Wood Sword Thunder Power Sleep/ Cardcaptors of the clow/ Expect the unexpected now/ The secrets of the Clow/ Were all a mystery/ But when this mighty book was opened/ The powers was set freeeee...*he falls off the bar counter, passed out. Okay, that was pointless...Now, Sephiroth LEAVES the Inn! Oohhh! Exciting! Meh...new ATE... This one opens with Cid walking around Lindblum, near the Gyashl Pickle stand* 

Cid: Eh, seen bigger towns...But I'm @#$%ing lost!!!! @#$%... *turns to a Red Mage* Hey, you @#$%, tell me where I can get back to the @#$%ing castle! 

Red Mage: Not if you use language like that. Jerk. *she walks off*Grandma Pickle: Heh, you really need to work on your language. 

Cid: It's my @#$%ing trademark! *pulls out a cigarette and smokes it furiously* 

Grandma Picke: Oh, what a rolemodel you must be then. Heheh... You're kind of funny in a messed up way...Here, have a pickle! 

Cid: I don't want no @#$%ing pickl-*Grandma Pickle shoves one into his mouth, making him swallow it whole* *gasp, fall over* D-damn......onna... 

Grandma Pickle: Wow! Not even the locals eat them whole! 

Cid: You...shoved it down my...throught, @#$%... 

Grandma Pickle: How dare you accuse me of such a thing! *she whacks him with her purse* 

Cid: @#$%!!! 

*Okies, I'll end ATE there...now...with more action! Sephiroth WALKS across the street to the AIRCAB SERVICE! Wasn't that amazing? Yeah, I thought so.Next... Vivi's in an item shop, looking at the items. 3 is looking at something across from Vivi- he also has a new staff* 

Vivi: Th-this smells really good...I think I'll buy one...This place is cool... 

BW3: Yeah...It has a lot of odd-looking stuff in it, too. *he holds up something that looks like it belongs in a James Bond movie* 

Vivi: *sweatdrop* *goes up to the counter* I'd like to buy this... 

Alice the shopkeeper: Okay...Awww, you're so cuuuute...you can have it for free. 

Vivi: R-really!? Thanks! *to 3* Anything you see you want? 

BW3: *holds up a laptop* Yeah, I think I actually know how to use this one...Seems pretty easy. 

Vivi: Okay. *3 pays for it, and they both go out. Next... Ooh! Sephiroth getting-on-an-aircab ACTION! Whooie! Okay....'Nother ATE with Cid. He's walking on a path that goes to the castle, and STILL looking lost* 

Cid: Where the @#$% is the castle!? 

Nearby Person: The castle is right across this bridge, and so is the airship docks.Cid: *looks up* Airship docks? *he looks at the ship* HAH! That @#$% is chopped liver compared to the Highwind! 

Grandpa: Oh? You've been working on an airship, too? 

Cid: My whole life! Until the @#$%ing Shinra stole it from me, but I got it back! 

Grandpa: Well, did you know that is going to be the first airship able to fly without being powered by mist? 

Cid: Airships here are powered by mist? @#$% you people are behind in technology! 

Grandpa: *startled* Uh!? Then what does -yours- run on? 

Cid: My baby runs on pure machinery, and nothing but machinery! 

Grandpa: You're bluffing. 

Cid: The @#$%!? You doubt the Highwind!? 

Grandpa: Yes. Running it on machinery is simply impossible! 

Cid: *takes out his spear* DIE, @#$%!!!! *he leaps on the person, attacking him. Ohhhkay, I'll just get back to Sephiroth now...He's now in the Tantalus' hideout, sitting by a piece of machinery* 

Sephiroth: Good...those fools are not back yet... Ha ha ha...*A bell starts ringing. Sephiroth knocks on it, and it stops. Okay, 'nother ATE...This time with Shiva staring out a window in the guest room* 

Shiva: Bo-ring...Ugh...all bad books in here, too...No bishies to torture...and glomp. Heheheheh...*hears a bell ringing* ? What's that mean? 

Guard: It means a play in the Theater District has just ended! 

Shiva: Oh yeah...forgot...And maybe Sephy's in the...whatever district. *she hops over the railing, and goes up to the guard* 

Guard: Is there anything you need? 

Shiva: Yeah...Something to do! Someone to glomp!!! 

Guard: *sweatdrop* Uhh...anything besides that? 

Shiva: Yeah. I wanna go look around Lindblum... 

Guard: I'm sorry, I can't allow you to do that. Orders from Regent Cid. 

Shiva: I'll be FINE. My level's a bit higher than Sephy's anyways, so... 

Guard: I still can't let you go...Festival of the Hunt, you know...This time of year is rather chaotic... 

Shiva: *perks up* Festival of the Hunt!? Oh wait, I can't, *high voice* I'm a princess! *normal voice* Pfft...*pauses* I know! ....Heheheheheh....*She walks over to a corner* *whispers* I know you can hear me...Heck, you have to, you're narrating the story...*I'm not supposed to talk to story characters unless they're being disobediant* Well yeah, but c'mon...I have one small favor to ask...I'm bored out of my mind, I want out...That, and another thing...*whispers it* *Huh...That all? Well......Alright, but JUST this once...Shiva is suddenly granted her request. Okay...gotta get back to Sephiroth, so...Two small kids run in on Sephiroth* 

Bunce: There he is! 

Lucilla: I told you he'd be here. 

Sephiroth: *looks up* ? 

Bunce: Why didn't you tell us you were back? We want in on the money they get-err we're in Tantalus, too! 

Sephiroth: ......? Great..little brats...... 

Lucilla: Yeah. Uncle Baku said that if we found some treasure, we could be in Tantalus, too! 

Bunce: We got some Trick Sparrow's wings. 

Sephiroth: Fine, fine, that's treasure, yeah.. 

Lucilla: Yay! 

Bunce: Yippee! So...did the plan work? 

Sephiroth: 'Plan'? 

Bunce: You know, the one to kidnap the princess. 

Sephiroth: It went fine...After we left Alexandria, it went downhill, but fine. She's here, and fortunately, away from me. 

Lucilla: Really!? Wow...So what's she like? Is she cute? 

Sephiroth: Very fangirlish......and define 'cute'. 

Bunce: Did you ask her out yet?Sephiroth: Are you -insane-!? Oh, she would literally jump at the idea...and glomp me half to death for it!!! 

Bunce: Really? I bet she misses you. 

Sephiroth: Most likely yes...But I don't miss her, so forget it! I'm not going to see her! 

Lucilla: Yes you are...*she holds out a Manipulate materia* 

Sephiroth: OO;; Wh-what are you doing with that!? Oh no...*Lucilla casts Manipulate on Sephiroth, and he starts walking toward the castle* 

Lucilla/Sephiroth: I'm sure glad that nice man with the weird eyes gave us this gem-thingy. Hey- my voice sounds really cool now! 

*Hehehe...Okay, another ATE...Wondering how Baku's doing? No? Too bad, because I'm gonna show it.Baku and co. are in a forest-like place, with a spring nearby* 

Baku: *sneezes* 

Cinna: Gezunteit...I wonder whatever happened to my dolly? 

Baku: Shut up about your dolly and get our wounded down here...This water's healing, so... 

Cinna: *drinks some of it* Hey, yeah, you're right! *he runs offscreen* 

Marcus: ...Bro never made it out...Maybe we should go back for him someday? *All think about it* 

All: Nah. 

Cinna: *comes back with a cup, and goes over to the spring* I'll bet this'll make good coffee! 

Baku: HEY! GET YOUR LAZY ASS BACK TO BRINGING THE OTHER MEMBERS HERE!!!! 

Cinna: *on the brink of tears* But...You're all so mean!!!!!!! WAHHHHHH!!!! *he runs off crying again* 

Baku: Oi...Marcus, you get them then! 

Marcus: Aye, sir! ......but maybe we -should- go back for Blank someday... *he runs offscreen. Heee....end ATE, for now. Back to Sephiroth...he's walked up the stairs and into the guestroom. Cid's there, too*Cid: Where the @#$% did Shiva go!? *to Sephiroth* You help look for her- infact, you be the bait! 

Sephiroth: *blinks* Bait...? Okay, I don't really know where the princess is right now, so I'll release...*Sephiroth seems to snap out of a trance* *grits his teeth* Those brats...! *unsheaths the Masamune* I will hunt them down and make their deaths slow and painful!!! 

Cid: *sweatdrops* Right...you just @#$%ing find her! *he runs out* 

Sephiroth: ............HOW THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN!?!? *he storms out of the room, and beats up a guard for no reason* oO;; Something's wrong...No...! Not again, you little brats!!!!! *goes into a trance again* My turn, my turn! Hehehehe! *looks at the guards clothes* Yeah, the things probobly guarded, sooo...*he puts the guards clothes on, and then heads toward the lift.* 

Sephiroth: ...? *Shiva is singing 'The Dream Within' again* Is that the princess? Wow, she isn't a half bad singer... Oh shut up, Sephiroths-free-will. *He sneaks onto a lift, past some guards, and up to the top* 

Worker: Wonder whose singing a song? 

Sephiroth: It's probobly the princess. 

Worker: You think so? Heh, maybe. 

Sephiroth: *walks up the stairs, and follows the sound of her voice* ...That's the princess? She isn't half bad looking, either. I repeat: Shut up, Sephiroth's-free-will. 

Shiva: Suspended within/ Look beyond...where hearts can see.../Dream in peace... Trust love, believe.../Suspended within... 

Sephiroth: *goes up behind her* *so Shiva can't hear* I'll let you try to get yourself out of this one, heheheh.... We've got binoculars, and can lip-read pretty well. *Sephiroth snaps out of a trance* -_-;; *starts to go down the steps, and Shiva hears him* 

Shiva: ?*sweatdrops* Oh! I was just...umm....uh... 

Sephiroth: She hasn't glomped me yet? That's odd... 

Shiva: Hope my singing wasn't too bad, eheh... 

Sephiroth: .........It was barely so-so.. 

Shiva: *grins* 'Kay then...Sooo, how'd you get up here? 

Sephiroth: I don't know, actually...It's pretty fuzzy... 

Shiva: Something that happened a minute ago is already foggy in your memory? 

Sephiroth: .........Don't ask. *blinks* That is a large telescope... 

Shiva: Yeah. Pretty good view from up here, too. 

Sephiroth: *mutters* And from elsewhere, too, according to them... 

Shiva: Huh? 

Sephiroth: Oh, nothing... 

Shiva: Why'd you help me, anyways? Just curious... 

Sephiroth: Help you? Well I semi-didn't have a choice... That, and if I ever want out of this game, I must help you. 

Shiva: Oh...*remembers something* I haven't glomped anyone in a while. *glomps Sephiroth* 

Sephiroth: Erk! *falls over* ..Can...you not...do.......that this time? 

Shiva: Well...okay! *she releases Sephiroth* Sorry you had to quit Tantalus to do that. 

Sephiroth: Quit? Actually, no... Baku made me do that, so I'm still in that cursed group... 

Shiva: *sweatdrop* Oh yeah, some things might be different, forgot about that. What were you planning to do, anyways? 

Sephiroth: Pour oglops in your drink, and present Rufus with some sleeping weed....According to Blank, at least. 

Shiva: *snickers* Shame he doesn't mess that up in the real game, hehe. Ummm...can you get me some of that sleeping weed? I've been having trouble sleeping. 

Sephiroth: Alright, here. *he hands her some* I've been wanting to get rid of it, anyways. 

Shiva: Thanks! 

Sephiroth: Dali... 

Shiva: Huh? 

Sephiroth: Just thinking out loud... I heard you singing that same song in Dali- what is it, anyways? 

Shiva: It's called 'The Dream Within' from the Final Fantasy movie...It wasn't half bad. *grins sheepishly* Then again, that's my opinion about anything Final Fantasy. 

Sephiroth: I don't think I've ever seen FF: TSW. 

Shiva: Nope- but the DVD's coming out -really- soon, so... 

Sephiroth: *nods*............Do you mind singing it again? 

Shiva: Nope. *she starts singing. Screen fades to black, and focuses on Cid in the weapons shop. An eerily familiar person is in the shop, too.* 

Cid: This @#$% is worse than some mops I've seen! Forget it! 

Craig: *looking at a sword* Isn't that the MasterMune? 

Cid: *looks at Craig* @#$%...Another cameo, already!? And no, it looks more like the Buster Sword that @#$% Cloud carries around. 

Craig: No, see the shape of the blades? And it's double-headed, too. 

Cid: I know the @#$%ing Buster Sword when I see it! 

Craig: *tenses, and backs away* Okay, okay, the Buster Sword...*puts on anti-insanity suit, then goes outside and drives off in his vehicle. The sword on the wall really is the MasterMune, however...Scene changes to where two kids are playing with dolls...Eventually, one of them wins, and Vivi looks over them* 

Vivi: Action figures...? So, the black mages are like these...Someone is controlling them... *In the background, Black Waltz 3 is doing things on a certain laptop, and making things appear and whatnot. A 100 ton weight falls on BW3 while this happens.* 

BW3: OW!!! Note to self: Don't press the big red button. * Scene changes to Vincent, looking over the rooftops* 

Vincent: Hmmm...I wonder what my Angel is doing right now...? *shakes his head* No! I must not submit to it!.......The sky is omnious, as if it is preparing for something...*he jumps down, landing perfectly and then gazing into sky* Lucrecia.........*Poor Vincent...Anyways...Scene changes to the Regent, at the airship docks, trying to come up with plans for the Hilda Garde 2... Actually, the scene goes exactly like its supposed to, so...Scene changes back to Shiva and Sephiroth* 

Shiva: *stops singing*Sephiroth: ....Maybe they were right...but I still must extract my revenge... 

Shiva: Your revenge? 

Sephiroth: Yes...somehow, two brats got ahold of a Manipulate materia and forced me here... 

Shiva: Oh...You don't have to, right? 

Sephiroth: Yes I do...If I were to show mercy, that would lead to me softening up! I cannot have that happen! 

Shiva: *sigh* *mutters* He's back to his old self...Oh well. I like him this way, anyway. *out loud* Sooo...you entering the Festival? 

Sephiroth: Of course... 

Shiva: *grin* Perfect... 

Sephiroth: I don't like that grin...what are you up to? Oh, nevermind...you are a princess, so you cannot enter. Hah! 

Shiva: Heheheh...*Scene fades to black...I'm skipping the letting loose of the beasts, sooo... Next, we have a new scene...Shiva is in the guestroom, and turns to face the viewers/readers* 

Shiva: Hehehe...now my deal with the narrator pays off! *she holds up some kind of wand* Terra Crystal Power! *Outers transformation music plays, as she transforms to look like Setsuna, only with aqua hair instead of green* Hehehe...Sailor Terra reporting for duty!... Okay, so that was kinda cheesy. Oh well. *signs up* Yup, Sephiroth, Vincent, BW3, and Vivi signed up, too! *she leaves a note that she'll be gone for a while, and not to worry, I'm just exploring the area around the castle. Soon, everyone arrives.* 

Official: *explains what the festival of the hunt is about, etc* What do you all want for the hunters reward? 

Sephiroth: Gil, I suppose... 

Vincent: I will go with an addon. 

BW3: Uh...a manual on how to work this thing? *he's still fiddling with the laptop* 

STerra: An addon for me too! *blinks, and looks at BW3's laptop* 

Vivi: A-a card... 

Sephiroth: You signed up? I thought you would be too chicken to... 

Vivi: W-well, I do have a gameshark after all, so what am I worried about? 

Sephiroth: ......true...Hmm, do you mind upping my level some? 

Vivi: Y-you just said I was chicken a moment ago! 

Sephiroth: ...Point being? Do it or I force you to play Silent Hill 2. 

Vivi: OO;; N-no, I'll do it! *he punches in a code on his gameshark* 

Official: Okay then, gil, an addon, a...manual...an addon, and a card. Hunter Sephiroth will start in the Theater District, Hunter Vincent in the Industrial District, Hunter Vivi in the Buisness District, Hunter Terra in the Industrial District, and Hunter 3 is in the Buisness District. 

Sephiroth: *practices with the Masamune for a few minutes, then leaves.* 

*Vincent shines his gun, then also leaves. 3 flies out, and Vivi follows.* 

STerra: Yes! Hehe...Being with one of my faves! *she walks out, singing 'Waiting For You- Bubblegum Crisis 2040 remix'. Okies, who to check on first...Oh yeah, Cid's watching. He's up on the top of the thing...if you've played the game you know what I'm talking about.* 

Cid: GO VINCENT! You'd better win, you vampire @#$%!! *there is a roar* Haha, he's still got his @#$%ing beast limits...Ooh! I almost feel sorry for the monster...Almost! Ouch! @#$% that's one strong Chaos Saber! Go Vinny! *he smokes his cig, and continues ranting like that. What, who'd you expect him to cheer for? Okay, let's check on Sephiroth then. He's in the theater district, watching the old guy yell 'Great scott!'* 

Sephiroth: Heh...amusing...*he kills the mu with one slice, then quickly kills off the Trick Sparrow* All too easy, all too easy...*he quickly finishes off the monsters in there, but still isn't at the top in points- Vincent is.* Hmph...I never expected him to even get one point ahead of me... Nevertheless, I shall triumph...Mwahahaha! *he hops on the aircab, and goes to the Buisness District... Speaking of which, let's check on Vivi and 3. Vivi is running from half the monsters, and 3 is zapping all of them as they pass by him, unknowingly not KOing them though* 

Vivi: *turns around* F-firaga! *he kills off all the unconsious monsters 3 had, as well as the one that was chasing him* O-oops...*his score goes to the top* Yay! 

BW3: Hey! Those were mine! 

Vivi: S-sorry. 

BW3: *glares at the rest of the monsters* What do you want!? *one of them attacks him* Doomsday! *he casts the spell, also KOing himself, but earning a heck of a lotta points* 

Vivi: *sweatdrop* O-oh well...Should have warned him about that, I guess. 

Sephiroth: *runs in, and kills the last monster* That's it? 

Vivi: W-well, I used Firaga and killed half of them, a-and 3 used Doomsday and got the rest. 

Sephiroth: -_-;; Very well...I suppose that leaves one choice.*he goes to the Industrial District. Vivi follows.... Ahh...now, to Vincent and...okay...Sailor Terra's nowhere to be seen.* 

Vincent, in Chaos form: *roars, and literally rips a nearby monster apart...he then re-appears as his normal self* Hmm...I guess my limit breaks do not last as long... *he resumes by shooting the monsters there. Soon after, Sephiroth and Vivi arrive* Hello, Angel...-_-;; Oh, fine...I'll stop fighting it. 

Sephiroth: *sweatdrops* *to Vivi* Don't ask. *to Vincent* Are there any more monsters? 

Vincent: None but the last, and worth the most points...Zagnhol... 

Sephiroth: Fine, fine, let's kick its ass and get my winning this thing over with. 

Vincent: *sweatdrops* 

Vivi: A-awfully confident, isn't he? 

Vincent: *nods* Not confident...stubborn...*Vincent leads the way to Zagnhol. Sephiroth immediately attacks, but doesn't kill it* 

Sephiroth: Remember! Save all the points for me! 

Vivi: Y-you wish...Flare! *he casts it, the thing doesn't even look close to dying...until...*???: Terra...World...Oblivion! *an aquamarine energy sphere hurtles toward Zagnhol, and hits him, killing him. Sailor Terra hops down in front of them...Okay, I know you all hate the original characters always saving the day, sooo...* 

STerra: Whew...Finally got to the Industrial District..*all give her weird looks* *sweatdrop* ...all the monsters...are dead already, aren't they? *all nod* Ohhh...*hangs head...screen blacks out, and fades in...It turns out that Vincent won..."Sailor Terra" changes back for congratulating him, of course* 

Shiva: *glomps Vincent* 

Vincent: *sweatdrop* I should have seen this coming. 

Sephiroth: With that, what do we need monsters for? 

Shiva: Hey! What's that supposed to mean? 

Sephiroth: Ohh, nothing..heheh... 

Regent: 304 points...Wow! *he gives Vincent an add-on* 

Sephiroth: ......How is it that I am the genetically engineered SOLDIER, and you win with 304 points and I have next to none!? 

Vincent: *sweatdrop* I have no idea, Angel... 

Sephiroth: *sigh* I may as well get used to you calling me that... 

Shiva: You bet! *grin* *then walks over to 3* Uh...can I see that for a moment? 

BW3: Sure. *he hands over the laptop* 

Shiva: *examines it* How the HELL did this go on sale here!? 

BW3: Why, do you recognize it? 

Shiva: Yeah- this's the very laptop I use in most RPG battles w/ sis, Craig, and the others! NOW I know where she put it...*mutters something* Meh, you can have it though. Don't really need it right now. *she hands it back* 

BW3: *sweatdrop* Okay... 

*A Burmecian soldier staggers in... What? Couldn't think of anything else. -_-;; YOU try it then! Anyway...the scene progresses as normal, until the part where they feast. * 

Sephiroth: ...a talking rat. Hmph, odd... 

Shiva: *playfully punches Sephy* Not in this world its not. 

Sephiroth: *raised eyebrow at the punch* Yes, I suppose you're right...after all, we are traveling with two very good examples. 

BW3 and Vivi: *look up* Hey/Firaga! *Vivi casts the spell. Sephiroth is burnt* 

Sephiroth: .........*to Shiva* Now I know the author's making him OOC. 

Shiva: Oh shush...besides, yer kinda breaking the 4th wall for saying that. Anyways, Vivi never stands up for himself, and usually gets picked on in some parts of the story, so why not change that? 

Sephiroth: Hm...good point, make him less of a wimp, yes. 

Vivi: Huh? What are you two talking about? 

Shiva: *whistles innocently* Oh, nothing... 

Vivi: O-okay. 

Regent: Now time to pick who will go to Burmecia since we can't send any men. 

Sephiroth: I will be going...The Masamune needs practice. *evil grin* 

Vincent: *sweatdrops* Angel...*twitch* I will be going as well. 

Vivi: I-I may as well go...I n-need to level up some. 

Sephiroth: Why don't you just use that gameshark? 

Vivi: B-because that would be cheating! 

Sephiroth: *sweatdrops* 

BW3: I'm going if Vivi's going, then. Us black mages have to stick together! 

Sephiroth: That's not what you said on the ship... 

BW3: I was being controlled by the storyline then, okay? The author likes making character adjustments. 

Shiva: *innocent whistle* 

Sephiroth: *raised eyebrow* 

Cid: I'm staying here. Heh, you all go out and have a nice time getting your ass...err, arses handed to you! 

Shiva: Well...I'm going too, then! *glomps Vincent* 

Vincent: *sweatdrops* 

Regent: You can't go, you're the princess! Just as you couldn't participate in the Festival, you can't go. It's too dangerous! 

Sephiroth: ......She herself is most likely more dangerous than anything there. 

Regent: Well, too bad! Now time for the feast since we can't send any men to Burmecia right now! 

Vincent: That did not make any sense... 

Cid: Darn straight it didn't! Why the hell are we eating when people are dying!? 

Regent: ......Because? 

Cid: That's good enough for me. *he digs in* 

Shiva: *looks on as all of them begin eating* Heheheh...all going according to plan. *evil grin* 

Vivi: B-by the way...did he mention something about Black Mages? 

Sephiroth: *nods* He said there was some in Burmecia. 

Vivi: O-okay, that's good, since I still want to find out more about them... 

Cid: *turns to Shiva* Why the hell aren't you eating? 

Shiva: Umm...trying to decide what to get. *she for the first time notices the dessert...* SUGAR!!!!! *she digs in* 

Cid: *sweatdrops* Like she doesn't have enough already. *smokes his cig, and picks out food. After a minute, Sephiroth, Vincent, Vivi, BW3, and the Regent pass out. Shiva keeps eating the desert* What the @#$%!?!? 

Shiva: *mouth full* Mmmff? 

Cid: -_-;; Swallow first. 

Shiva: *does so* What's wrong? 

Cid: WHAT'S WRONG!? PEOPLE @#$%ING DROPPED DEAD AND YOU ASK WHAT'S WRONG!? 

Shiva: Dead? Naww, asleep! 

Cid: !? 

Shiva: I knew they weren't gonna let me come, sooo I got some sleeping weed from Sephiroth *odd look from Cid* you know he wouldn't do that, and anyways, I put it into most of the food...'cept the deserts and the stuff you were eating. 

Cid: Right...so what the @#$% did you choose me to come with you then!? 

Shiva: You were the only one not going to Burmecia, so.... 

Cid: -_-;; @#$%...Where are we going, anyways? 

Shiva: Start going back to the castle, shortcut to Treno, and end up at the castle somehow. 

Cid: Big @#$%ing whoop. 

Shiva: Sooo...c'mon, before they wake up! *turns to where Sephiroth and Vincent are* Awww... kinda sorry I had to knock them out. 

Cid: Yeah, yeah, let's just go! *they leave, and soon after the others regain consiousness* 

Vincent: What was that? 

Sephiroth: I have no clue, unless...-_-;; That's why she wanted the leftover sleeping weed... 

BW3: And you actually gave it to her? Geez, you're an idiot! 

Sephiroth: *glares evilly at BW3* 

Vivi: *steps between them* O-okay...w-we have to figure this out first. Where would she have gone? 

Vincent: She wanted to go with us to Burmecia, so it is possible she went there... 

Sephiroth: Hmm...But she wanted to follow the game's plans even more...Vivi, do you still have that script? 

Vivi: *checks his pockets* O-oops, it must have fallen out during the festival... 

Sephiroth: *sighs* Great... 

Regent: Well, we can't let this get in the way of our plans! Off you go now, hasta la vista! 

All: *stare at Regent Cid like he's insane* 

Vincent: ......! 

Sephiroth: Hmph......Fine, we'll go to Burmecia- I am not missing out on an oppertunity to practice... 

Regent: You can reach Burmecia through Gizamaluke's Grotto. You had best be going... *they all go down to the basement level, and onto the overworld, and eventually get to Gizamaluke's Grotto* 

Sephiroth: So...we go through here to reach Burmecia. Heheh, hopefully there are still soldiers to kill. 

Vincent: ......Angel, the objective is to help the soldiers, not kill them. They are not RBMs (Random Battle Monsters), after all... 

Sephiroth: They both return to the Planet when they die, what's the difference? 

Vivi: R-return to the Planet? 

Sephiroth: Yes...Go get a copy of FF7. Perphaps it will make you understand. 

BW3: *begins researching FF7 on his laptop* 

Vincent: This place reminds me of Nibelheim so...... 

Sephiroth: Nibelheim...*shudders* It really is the beginning of a nightmare. 

Vivi: Nibelheim? Wh-where's that? 

BW3: *eyes wide* On the eastern continent in the world of FF7...... 

Vivi: NANI!?!? 

Sephiroth: *sweatdrops* It does not concern you......Just ignore it. 

BW3: Heh, this kinda reminds me of when BW1 and 2 were alive... 

Vivi: B-but they are alive...... 

BW3: No they're not. A guy with purple hair killed 'em both. Surprised I haven't seem him yet. *shrugs* 

Vivi: ......They're alive, though... 

BW3: What? That's impossible. 

Sephiroth: Yeah yeah, let's just get going. There's possibly still some soldiers alive!! *he runs in, and there's a scream. All of them rush inside, BW3 accidentally turning his laptop off...They find a soldier there.* 

Soldier: *has a Masamune wound in his chest* B-bastard...... 

All: *look at Sephiroth* 

Sephiroth: What? I need the experience! 

Soldier: I had survived...from the Black Mages...until now...*glares at Sephiroth* Take this bell......*he dies. BW3 takes the bell* 

BW3: No. 1 collected bells...Heh, not that I miss 'em. Both of them were always whining all the time! 

Sephiroth: *stares at the bell* ...What do we do with that!? It's not like ringing it will*BW3 rings it* ......do....anything.........*The door becomes unlocked* That was odd. *They all go through the next few rooms, in the next one only Sephiroth showing* 

Sephiroth: *notices two Black Mages beating up a soldier* Hey...!.........Leave some experience for me!!! *he runs up to the soldier and kills him, then accidentally slices one of the Black Mages in half* Oops...oh well, more exp. for me.*Zorn and Thorn enter* 

Zorn: *peers at Sephiroth* Have you seen him before? 

Thorn: Seen him before, I have not. 

Zorn: Are you sure? 

Thorn: Sure, I am. 

Zorn: I guess it's not important...Let's kill him, shall we? 

Sephiroth: HOLD EVERYTHING!! If you think I, the Great Sephiroth, will be killed by you two clowns...!!! 

Zorn: We are not clowns! 

Thorn: Numerous times, have we said that! 

Zorn and Thorn: Black Mage! Kill him! 

Sephiroth: *turns and looks at the Black mage, then slices him in half* 

Zorn: Savage beasts are they! 

Thorn: Run away! *they both run* 

Sephiroth: ...Cowards. *he kills the last Black Mage, and retrieves the bell. Sooner or later they get to where a moogle is struggling to lift a huge bell. She runs over to them, the whole party now visible* 

Mogrika: *runs over to them* Help! My husband is trapped under the bell! One of you must have the strength to lift that thing! 

All: *look at Sephiroth* 

Sephiroth: *sighs* No...That thing must weigh 500 tons! Even I cannot lift that many...Vincent? 

Vincent: My limit meter is not even half full, Angel. 

Sephiroth: ......Damn. Well, can't help then, sorry. 

Mogrika: *runs over to Vivi and sniffs him* You! You! You! Yeah, you! I know you! You have Kupo Treat!! (As stated waaay before, Vivi's one of my favorite characters and any other way to put this would sound wrong.) 

Vivi: Y-you want it? 

Mogrika: Yes, yes, if I can have it! 

Vivi: ...S-sure. *he hands it to Mogrika* 

Mogrika: *runs over to the bell* Honey! I have Kupo Treat! *Her husband lifts the bell up, and chases Mogrika into the other room* *while running* Thank you, kupo!!! 

All: *jaws drop at the strength of the moogle* 

Sephiroth: How...!? 

Vincent: That is not possible for a creature as small as that! 

Vivi: W-wow, that moogle must have been w-working out! 

BW3: The power of cheese! *Everyone gives No.3 weird looks* Nevermind. *They continue to another wounded soldier*Soldier: Master Gizamaluke has gone mad...! 

Sephiroth: What is this Gizamaluke? *Something pops out of a vent, and into the water* 

Vivi: I-I think that's it...*Screen goes swirly, enter boss battle theme. The Gizamaluke rises from the water and roars at them* 

Sephiroth: *attacks it, and does 465 damage* -_- WHY is my attack power so low!? *It raises a few notches....There, happy!?* *attacks again and does 800.* Yes. 

Vincent: ......! *shoots it, doing about 600.* 

BW3: Dooms--Oh wait, that kills me too......Uhh, what other spells did you give me? 

Vivi: Y-you only asked for the most powerful in the game... 

BW3: Well, gimme some more! 

Vivi: ...W-wait......I think I'll see how you all handle th-this battle without the gameshark and me. 

Sephiroth: WHAT!? *glares at Vivi, and gets smacked in the head by the Gizamaluke's tail for it* -_-;; Help us attack RIGHT NOW!!! 

Vivi: N-no... 

Vincent: !!! *It uses Water on all of them but Vivi...The battle continues, and they're all a little weak, Gizamaluke included...But not weaker than the heroes* 

Sephiroth: Crap...*attacks one more time, exhaustedly, when......Well, its time for another cameo then. Craig rides in on his vehicle* 

Craig: I took a wrong turn somewhere? 

Vincent: ...Please help.....*gets smacked by Gizamaluke's tail and falls* 

Craig: *looks at them* Okay. *he transforms into the SR and blasts the Gizamaluke, killing it instantly* *he takes out a map and gets back into his vehicle, riding off* 

Vivi: *sweatdrops* W-well, you're all weaker than y-you seem... 

Sephiroth: ......shut up. *he begins downing Hi-Potions, along with the rest of them... Okay, cut to Cid, whose carrying a large sack up to South Gate* 

Cid: Of all the @#$%ing...*he walks up to the guards* Let me the @#$% through! 

Guard: Not if you talk like that!! Why are you passing, anyways? 

Cid: Uh...Because my wife has just died, and she's in Alexandria...*hangs head* 

Guard: *sad face* Oh...I'm so sorry. Then why do you cuss so much. 

Cid: It's my @#$%ing trademark. Got a @#$%ing problem with that? *smokes a cig* 

Guard: *sweatdrop* No, not at all. We have to examine your pack now, rules and regulations ya know. 

Cid: @#$%...fine... *he sets it down, and the guards examine it. After a moment, one backs away quickly* 

Guard: What's that awful smell!? Smells like roadkill!!! 

Cid: So some of my @#$%ing Gyashl Pickles are rotten...deal with it! 

Guard: Ugh...Gyashl Pickles...Why so many of them? 

Cid: Because they're my wives and mines favorite...*hangs head again* 

Guard: Oh, I'm sorry. Uh, here...you can't get by without the gate pass, so...*he tosses it over to Cid..or tries to.* *throws it, it comes back and smacks him in the face* Get over there, dammit! *he eventially folds it into a paper airplane and tosses it to Cid* 

Cid: *It hits him in the face* @#$%!!!......Thanks. *he picks up the pack and moves through the gate...Once they're out of sight of the guards, Cid sets the pack down* It's @#$%ing fine, now. 

Shiva: *gets out of the bag* Ugh, being stuffed in a bag of rotten pickles...*shudders,. then freezes herself, then breaks the ice* Okay, that got rid of it. 

Cid: *rolls eyes* Can we get moving now? 

Shiva: Sure! *she skips along to the cable car, also buying a bunch of Hi-Potions, then shows the guy her gate pass, and finds a seat* I get the window spot!!! 

Cid: Fine...So where the @#$% are we going again? 

Shiva: The summit station, then to Treno, then Alexandria. Don't ask how, you'll find out. 

Cid: @#$%......*he pulls out a cigarette and smokes it. Fade to black, going back to Sephiroth's group* 

Soldier: The final bell...*he gives it to them, then dies* 

Sephiroth: Damn- I didn't get the experience for it! *everyone glares at Sephiroth* 

Vincent: Perphaps you will never change...*he goes up to the door and rings the bell. They continue on to Burmecia...As always, it's raining* Perphaps this place too, is the beginning of a nightmare...... 

BW3: That's what you said about that Nibelheim place, right? *he hides the laptop from the rain* 

Vincent: Yes, that's correct...... 

Vivi: I don't understand...What is Nibelheim!?!? What's FF7!?!?!? 

Sephiroth: Oh, you'll learn all that in good time...All in good time...*looks around* What a dump. There is most likely no experience here... 

Vincent: Most likely there is...... 

Sephiroth: Really!?!? *he runs inside* 

Vivi: W-wait up!!! *they all run after Sephiroth...Sooner or later they catch up to him, where he is glaring at Zorn and Thorn, Masamune unsheathed* 

Sephiroth: Come down here you bakas! *slices* 

Zorn: Not by the make-up on our chinny chin chins! 

Thorn: Wrong story, that is, idiot. 

Zorn: Oops......We still will not come down! 

Thorn: Instead, Black mages, attack! 

Vincent: *shoots both with one shot* ...... 

Zorn: Eee! You will pay for that! 

Thorn: Deal with you, the general will! 

Zorn: You will not like her when she is mad! Or with green eggs and ham! 

Thorn: Again, wrong story, it is. 

Zorn: Sorry... 

Sephiroth: You two are certainly more insane than I am......And besides... Aren't all women scary when they're mad? 

Zorn and Thorn: True... 

Zorn: We will be back! 

Thorn: Back, we will be! *they both run off* 

BW3: What a bunch of looneys. 

Vivi: *nods* H-hopefully we won't have to deal with them for long... 

Vincent: We are almost there.....Let us go and finish this... 

Sephiroth: This game is four disks long. It can't be finished already. 

Vincent: I did not mean the whole game, Angel. 

Vivi and BW3: *confused glances* 

Sephiroth: ......Don't ask. 

*And so they make their way through Burmecia, while getting a new staff for Vivi, who already happened to have the Mace of Zeus, and also rescued a few Burmecians, until they got to the kings palace.* 

Vincent: We have at last reached it... 

Sephiroth: Yeah, now how are we going to get inside? The entrance is blocked. 

Vincent: *climbs up a nearby statue with ease* 

Sephiroth: ......That'll work. *he also starts to climb up* 

Vivi: H-hey! What about us? 

Sephiroth: Have birdbrain carry you or something. 

BW3: Hey...! 

Vivi: He's right......Uhh, not a-about you being a birdbrain, just-- 

BW3: I know, I know...*grabs Vivi and flies off...in the wrong direction.Scene goes to Vincent and Sephiroth, where they are watching Rufus and Elena from the tower. They're argueing about something* 

Sephiroth: Look, Vincent, Rufus is the general- not Elena! Elena has next to no combat training! 

Vincent: Were you not paying attention when Baku said it at the beginning? 

Sephiroth: ...shut up. You're not even supposed to know about that! 

Vincent: Why not? It seems to be happening a lot in this fic. 

Sephiroth: That's true...... 

Vincent: *nods* And that is why Elena has to be the general...Queen also fits Rufus well. 

Sephiroth: If Rufus is the ruler, why hasn't his title changed? 

Vincent: That one, I don't know. *shrugs* We'll find out soon, then? 

Sephiroth: Heh, probably. *Scene changes to where Rufus and Elena are talking...Rufus also has an umbrella.* 

Elena: C'mon, can we go yet!? It's so boring here!!! 

Rufus: No you can't! We've gotta claim this place for Shinra! 

Elena: You already own everything in FF7- why do you need to do the same in this world? 

Rufus: Because I have to! *Reno runs onscreen and tries to go under Rufus' umbrella* 

Rufus: *backs away from Reno* Hey! This is for royalty use only! 

Reno: Yeah, but you're not royalty. 

Rufus: I'm rich and in this world I am. 

Reno: Aww!! Can't I at least have another umbrella then? It's so damn rainy in this place! 

Rufus: ...Point being? 

Reno: Argh......FINE! *he goes over to one of the statues and takes it out, holding it over his head like an umbrella* 

Rufus and Elena: *jaws drop* 

Reno: What? *realizes that he just lifted a maybe 200 pound statue with ease* oO;; ......Uhh....that's weird. *throws it away* 

Elena: Soooo, you got new abilities too, then? 

Reno: *nods* 

Rufus: Right, whatever......Hows the status of the rats? 

Reno: Oh, there're still a lotta rats left in the castle...Everyone keeps complaining about 'em, they're not dying out at all- chances are that the exterminators are phonies. 

Rufus: I meant the Burmecians! 

Reno: Oh! Well, they're pretty-much all gone from the city...Hell if I know where they went. 

Rufus: Great...... 

Elena: Uh, actually sir, I think I know... 

Rufus: !? 

Elena: I watched Shiva play this part of the game- they went to Cleyra. 

Reno: Ohh....whats that? 

Rufus: That the treehouse thingy surrounded by sand? 

Elena: *nods* 

Rufus: Alright, what do we do there? 

Elena: Well...*whispers it* 

Rufus: *nods* Wonderful plan! Glad I thought of it. 

Elena: What!? But-- 

Rufus: You dare defy that I thought of that plan? 

Elena: -_-;; Just. Forget it. *A Burmecian soldier runs up to them* 

Soldier: Burmecia will never die!! 

Reno: Uh...*pushes Elena in front of him* Kill her! Not me! Her! 

Elena: HEY!!! You're the one who can lift something that's 200 pounds! 

Reno: So? Go get 'em, Elena! 

Elena: -_-;; *pushes Reno in front of her* No- you do it! 

Soldier: Did you say your name was Elena? *cowers* 

Elena: No, he did, but I'm Elena...why? Want my autograph or something? 

Soldier: Well......yeah. *All facefault* 

Elena: *sweatdrops* Oh-kay...*signs a piece of paper* 

Soldier: Thanks- now I've gotta run so seeya! *he runs off* 

Sephiroth: *jumps down and slices after the soldier* Coward!!! 

Reno: oO;; SEPHIROTH!?!? Oh crap, oh crap...*hides behind a statue* Pleasedon'trunmethrough, pleasedon'trunmethrough... 

Sephiroth: *evil smirk, goes up to Reno* 

Vincent: *leaps down* Don't, Angel... 

Sephiroth: And why not? 

Vincent: Because you are supposed to be a, as the saying goes, "good guy"... 

Sephiroth: ...So? 

Vincent: Being that does not include killing off everything you see... 

Sephiroth: Yes it does. Cloud went around killing everything! 

Vincent: Those provoked Cloud. 

Sephiroth: The things I killed provoked me by being there! 

Vincent: ......I give up. 

Sephiroth: *turns to Elena, Rufus, and Reno* So...which one of you wants to die first? 

Rufus: *sweatdrop* Well I'll be leaving this to you...Ja. *he leaves, the Shinra theme following him. It's soon after replaced with the Turk theme...The screen goes swirly, just as BW3 and Vivi arrive* 

Sephiroth: About time! 

BW3: Well is it my fault I got lost? 

Vivi: I still c-can't believe you got lost like that... 

Vincent: How embarrasing....*he shoots Elena, doing 865* 

Sephiroth: *also attacks, doing 1000* 

Elena: Your powers have been pushed that far down? This is pretty interesting- ours go up, yours go down! *evil grin* Wanna see? Stock Break! *she uses it, knocking all of their HP to 1, except Vivi* Huh? 

Vivi: G-gameshark, sorry. *pretends to be wounded, and falls to his knees* 

Elena: Oh, thanks...*turns to Reno* I think I'm finished here! *she skips off* 

Reno: *looks at all of them* Whose the kid and the bird-version of the kid? Oh well, guess its not that important......Kinda ironic, you being the main megalomaniac villan of FF7, now being the hero.....There is one high-point of me having the role of the villan though......*Screen goes FMV as Reno walks up to a silver dragon and mounts it...He turns to them and grins before the silver dragon takes off...but knocks Reno off. Reno chases after it as the screen fades to black. Please Enter Disk 2...Wait this is a fic! There is no Disk 2....Ummm....Please Instert Chapter 2? Yeah, that sounds good!* 

A/N: 'Kay, sooo...whaddaya think? Should I continue? *ducks behind a rock as vegetables are thrown* Eeeeep!!! Ummmm......R&R please! Btw- even if I do continue, prolly won't be for a while since I'm gonna be doing these by disks....*tomatoe almost hits her, ducks behind the rock even more* Eep! I surrender already! 

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